So that football player, whatshisname, who died on the field

[conuly]

and was revived - like, I'm glad for him that he's getting better but also, not gonna lie, I have this simmering resentment that he got fucking intubated and he's getting better and my mom got intubated on her actual birthday and then she died.

Obviously two totally different cases, two totally different conditions on two totally different patients, and so on, also, c'mon, I don't really want people to drop dead left and right because my mother died - but still.

You don't need to tell me it's all right that I kinda feel that way even though it's obviously ridiculous. I do know that.

So that's that. I'm glad for him and his family, and everybody else who's injured or ill and recovers - but also not so much. That irritation on behalf of others cannot fade soon enough.

Comments

[james]

I feel this way whenever I see people say "protect [x celebrity] at all costs!" and I'm like ..so I wasn't worth protecting? I know that isn't what they mean, but it still grates.

[fox]

I find myself thinking the same thing when I hear about revolutionary cancer treatments. Like, they can 3D print a replacement esophagus! - and I am furious that my father didn't live long enough to get one. I know that doesn't mean nobody else should benefit from technology he was too sick and died too soon to benefit from. But ugh. Yes.

[spiffikins]

Yes! This!

My mom died of lung cancer - and part of me still thinks that the doctors could and should have done something more - get her into some clinical trial for some fancy new drug, some of those custom-cancer-specific drugs where they tailor them directly to your particular tumours.

It just feels like there is ALL THIS COOL STUFF that is being invented for treatments - and she was not offered any of it.

But I also know that preliminary study results are released early to secure funding for real trials, and so when you hear about new treatments, it is years, decades before anyone will actually benefit from them. And also, tv doctor shows where they have 5-6 doctors working on NOTHING BUT YOUR CASE - are fiction and not reality.

but still. I miss my mom.

[conuly]

With me, it's the same but almost the opposite.

We're reasonably sure that my mother's fairly aggressive treatment for breast cancer, while it did kill the cancer, did a number on her. Because of course it did, that's how it works!

A year or two after she was done with treatment I read that they're pioneering less aggressive treatments, and MSK - where she got her cancer treat - is at the forefront of that. They're finding that some less aggressive treatments work just as well, but with fewer and less serious long term effects.

My face when I read this was not a happy face.

[spiffikins]

Definitely not a happy face :(

[agoodwinsmith]

There could be some "it should have worked, goddamnit!" powering some of that, even if it really couldn't have.

[rebeccmeister]

Cardiac deaths just really highlight the unfairness of life.

Hospitals are typically the best place to have a heart attack, but something tells me that has changed in recent years.

I say we always have permission to have our feelings. But it's good to exercise care in what we do with/about them, as you do.

[conuly]

I'm not sure what I could do bad with these particular feelings. Send him and his family a nasty note? I mean, okay, but only once I've gotten around to sending some nasty notes out to the people at the top of my shitlist, people like Trump, Putin, Modi - all the world leaders I hate, basically. If I can't even be bothered to send them mean letters in the mail, I'm not going to pay for a stamp to send one to somebody whose name I don't even remember already.

[conuly]

Which is to say, I wouldn't do something shitty about these crap feelings anyway, but even if I would I wouldn't because laziness would kick in between the thought and the deed.

[shadowkat]

I can empathize. Feel the same way about my Dad from time to time. (He died in July.)

[adafrog]

{{{hugs}}}

[cellio]

When I hear about stuff like that, what I think of is all the people who didn't get the care they needed, at all or in time, because most of us are nobody but some "celebrity" or professional sports player or something immediately gets all the stops pulled out, jumps to the head of the line, cost is no object, etc. Bletch.

[swingandswirl]

FWIW, it's completely human to feel this way. We want things to be fair, and they aren't, and it really, really sucks. /gentle hugs, if wanted/

[andrewducker]

*hug*