At least it's sunny

[conuly]

Cold, but sunny.

Despite the cheeriness of my last post, I wish to be clear that I'm extremely "meh" about Christmas this year, and that this "meh" has taken over everything else I might want to do, like cooking dinner.

Is it the darkness of winter? Is it the fact that my mother is dead? Is it just one of those things?

Well, it's sure something all right!

I'd be more concerned about this, but mostly... meh. Very meh.

I'm really hoping I feel better by my birthday, anyway. I like my birthday. Maybe I should go wild and put 40 candles on the cake. I did that to my mother when she turned 50. Lit up the whole kitchen and nearly burned down the house. I swore at the time, never again, but I'm not turning 50 just yet, am I? 40 isn't enough to burn down the house, I bet.

Comments

[spiffikins]

"meh" is a perfectly reasonable way to feel about the holidays right now. I wouldn't worry too much about it, tbh.

Hopefully you will have small moments of joy and happy - try to recognize them when they happen, even if overall there a whole lot of meh.

50 candles on one cake? I am visualizing this - our family tradition is to make angel food cake for birthdays - I don't think I could physically FIT 50 candles on the top of an angel food cake - so now I'm seeing candles poking out the sides, like a hedgehog - and that seems EXTRA flamey! I bet you all laughed so hard bringing that cake out and at your mom's expression!

[conuly]

I believe I used a 9 inch round cake pan.

[spiffikins]

Oh wow - that was not a very large surface area for 50 candles!

[conuly]

It's the only size cake pan I had!

Also, I was 17, so.

[conuly]

Also, we did not bring the cake anywhere. That would DEFINITELY have burned the house down. Instead, we called my mother to come in, quickly, and blow them out as fast as possible.

[spiffikins]

Ahahaha - that was probably a very good choice!

[oracne]

"Meh" is way better than the horrid depths of depression, at least. I hope you're able to snuggle in and find some comfort in a book or a movie or something.

[elainegrey]

I think "meh" is one way grief comes for us. But also, yes, there's the short days. Hope you can find little bits of joy!

[silveradept]

Solidarity in the meh of the season. (It's an improvement for me this year that it's all "meh," rather than anything else.)

[adafrog]

I think 40 candles on the cake sounds like a great idea.

[conuly]

I think that sounds like a fine epitaph. Of course, I don't plan on being buried or having a headstone. When the time comes, I mean - hopefully not this year!

[adafrog]

I agree.

[wendelah1]

Is it the darkness of winter? Is it the fact that my mother is dead? Is it just one of those things?

Grief gets my vote. It puts a damper on everything.

I gave myself permission to celebrate the holidays as I saw fit, up to and including ignoring them altogether.

Don't burn down the house.

candles

[cellio]

It's all about the density. Clearly this calls for a larger cake. :-)