Actual conversation from a week ago

[conuly]

(Only somewhat paraphrased - the gist is the same)

I'd been in the kitchen looking out the window at our crape myrtle. There was a small red-orange bird in the tree, but when I looked again there were two! Somewhat surprised at how well that second bird had hidden I kept watching and then saw two more - I think the same species, but drab brown.

So here I am looking at the birds, and when I hear Jenn I say "Sh, come look at the birds!"

Jenn: I know there's one bird....
Me: There's four, at least.
Jenn: No way - okay, well, I see the second one....

In due course she saw the other two, and then they all flew away and we both left to do other things.

Some time later I'm in the kitchen at the stove and Jenn comes back in and gazes out the window.

Jenn: I feel like I can't trust my eyes anymore! I keep looking for more birds! I blame you.
Me: It's kinda like gaslighting. Except not, because there birds were really there. Like... daylighting?
Jenn: No, it's still gaslighting. You're telling me not to trust my own perception!
Me: Only when your perception is objectively wrong!

Comments

[redbird]

"I didn't see all the birds" or "I didn't see all the birds right away" isn't always a failure of her (and sometimes my) vision, though: some birds are very good at being seen, especially when they aren't moving.

I don't think saying that there's more there, take a longer look is telling her not to trust her own perception. "What do you mean you can't see the woodpecker, it's in plain sight" might be.

[conuly]

Yes, we were being a bit facetious in that convo.

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

Long ago I had two housemates known to each other, and one of them and I could mention a spotted squirrel and the other see it. The third housemate would get so upset, perhaps even to the point of insisting there were no squirrels.

We did stop saying squirrel, though perhaps not soon enough for kindness.

(The third housemate was very much Big City Normed, and thought we were looking for whole squirrels. Often times we were referring to branches swaying or twitching tails.)

[flamingsword]

Cardinals, do you think?

[conuly]

Oh, no, I know they're not that.