Just the other day Finn was digging in the garbage

[conuly]

And I saw him, removed the garbage bag, and said "Finn! Bad dog!" while doing "shame on you" fingers. (Not seriously, I mean. Obviously we're the bad humans, leaving the tempting bag out where he can get it.)

Apparently Eva had never seen this before, and wanted to know why I was rubbing one finger over the other at our dog. And here I thought everybody knew that!

But I haven't seen it in a while. It's like another thing that used to be fairly ubiquitous, the image of a finger with a string around it meaning a "reminder". Of course, people joked about tying a string around your finger to remember things, but I doubt anybody ever really did it, and maybe that's why it fell out of use. Or maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

***********

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Comments

[greghousesgf]

some old bitch gave me the shame on you fingers for being an atheist. it took all the self-control I had not to do another finger gesture to her.

[conuly]

Plenty. Most people are only familiar with the particular gestures used in their own culture, and given that the Anglosphere alone is vast and even within each particular English-speaking nation there's lots of subcultures and regional variation, there must be zillions of gestures none of the rest of us know.

And that's before we add in the complicating factor of immigrants keeping their own gestures!

[lusentoj]

Huh, in my family we either snap our fingers or point our fingers (downwards, I think?). Never heard of rubbing your fingers, unless you mean making an x-sign with them haha.

[conuly]

I don't think most people, even those who know shame-on-you fingers, would do it at a dog. I wouldn't if I was serious either, I don't think. But the only thing I seriously chastise that dog for is chasing the cats.

Eva started a downward point for 'sit', and since he responds better to visual cues than verbal commands we've kept that.

[goss]

Heh, I was just about to comment how the only reason that I, a non-American even know about the tying string on finger as reminder thing is because of Sesame Street, and then I clicked on your link. *g* I don't think I've ever seen it referred to any where else in daily life growing up.

[conuly]

Tangent, I miss old school Sesame Street. People blame the downward trend on creeping Elmo, but Elmo is a symptom. The cause is the fact that they started aiming at a target audience of two and three year olds rather than an audience of five and six year olds, with their parents.

[zyzyly]

I remember the "shame on you" finger thing. Haven't seen it in years, though.

[conuly]

Maybe you and I can start a trend!

[zyzyly]

I used the "shame on you" fingers on someone driving and texting yesterday. She didn't see me do it, though, because she was driving and texting.

[dawnebeth]

Never heard of the shame on you fingers but I remember the string around your finger. Lol--so that's where all my string went.

[conuly]

Did you ever know anybody to really do it?

[cactuswatcher]

Yep, that rubbing the finger thing seems to be part of the past... I have wagged my finger at dogs with vocal scolding and the gesture seems to work there after. My cat however is not impressed. ;o)

[conuly]

Are cats ever impressed?

[robby]

I've always had to keep the kitchen trash can on the counter, out of the dog's reach. They consider garbage to be a smorgasbord of delights.

[conuly]

We're trying out keeping it under the sink right now. Fingers crossed!

[merridia]

I only know shame fingers from watching New Girl, and until now I didn't realize it wasn't just a thing they'd made up!

[conuly]

I felt the same way about "watching you" fingers when I first saw that in a movie! Well, now we know.

[pebblerocker]

I remember stickers to put on when we billed late-paying customers: 'A Friendly Reminder - your account is overdue' with a picture of a string tied around a finger. Escalation went yellow friendly sticker, orange Urgent Action sticker, debt collection.

How about knots in the corner of a handkerchief? I feel like I may be one of very few to carry a hanky in this day and age. A tactile reminder is very helpful for the easily distractable; my mother prevents between-room memory lapses by crossing her fingers and not uncrossing them until she does the thing she came in for.

[jesse_the_k]

Ooooh, tactile reminder is a brilliant idea. Now if I can remember it for the next time I need it....

[conuly]

Tie a string around your finger...?

[conuly]

I thought handkerchief knots were for good luck!

And yes, you'd think more people would carry hankies. More environmentally friendly and kinder on your nose. Sniff.

[pebblerocker]

I definitely remember a children's story - or several - where characters tied knots in hankies as a reminder. There's also something jiggling my memory about tying up the wind in a handkerchief, then untying knots one by one if becalmed at sea? A wind blowing the right way is a specific type of good luck, I suppose!

Hankies can go through the wash without filling everything with white fluff, if one forgets to turn out one's pockets! They're also better for carrying around just in case, as they don't disintegrate over time. I wouldn't be without one now that I have mild but seemingly year-round hay fever.

[siderea]

https://www.thecut.com/2018/03/when-boys-are-victims-of-sexual-assault.html

Cosigned.

It's not just boys and young men, either.

I've had to tell a 50-something that what had happened to him was sexual assault and that he had had a right to say no and have his no respected. And he was incredulous, about that "you have a right to say no" thing. He was a blue collar guy. In his cultural world, women get to say no to sex, but not men. A man who refuses sex is a "pussy", and I was an idiot or insane for thinking otherwise.

I've pretty much thought about writing that article, and might yet, but I can't figure out how to do it while respecting the privacy of my patients.

[conuly]

I hope you were able to help that man (and others).

And I really, really, really hope all this conversation helps other boys/men in the future.

[greghousesgf]

if men think refusing sex is being a pussy, that never stopped them from saying no to me.