Don't know why I'm surprised

[conuly]

So, Sociological Images decided, for Father's Day, to post a piece about how estrangement hurts fathers. First there were a few comments from people pointing out that wow, that piece is very one-sided and that, in fact, mentally healthy people do not generally cut themselves off from their parents for no reason whatsoever. And in that vein, I linked to Issendai's study of estranged parent forums - and if this is a subject that interests you, you'd do well to read it.

Well, they must've been linked somewhere, because they're now inundated with very sad parents who have no idea why their kids estranged them, and want all the commenters who are estranged from their parents to know that they're terrible people. I'm going on the record now - Rose Pernice's daughter is estranged because her mother is a highly unpleasant person. I only needed a few comments to glean that piece of information, not that she'd listen if I tried to explain it to her.

Things like this are useful to read. I look at these exchanges and go "Wow. No matter how annoyed I am at my family, at least I can say they aren't this bad."

Comments

[novel_machinist]

Yeah, father's day doesn't suck because I feel guilty, it's because I feel robbed of a relationship that I should have had. Our birthdays are a day apart. So much for enjoying that too, yanno?

[conuly]

You're like Paddington. You have two birthdays. The second one is the day you got free of that jerk, even if you'd rather have had a good father. (Well, who wouldn't?)

[novel_machinist]

You know, that's actually a great way to look at it. <3

[fred_mouse]

I hear you. My mother was toxic, and I was so much closer to sane after I stopped having anything to do with her (and it took me a long time to feel that I rated as actually sane) but I still wanted that sense of a person to whom I was always going to be special and important.

[fred_mouse]

The other thing, and maybe this is particularly strong for me because we were a two person family a long way from extended family, but there is so much of my life that I kind of lose by not being in touch with her. Huge swathes of my life where I can't validate information against an external source -- "who were those people we stayed with in Adelaide in 1986", "how long did we last at the ... concert before we came home", etc. I've a handful of people I keep in touch with on Facebook for the simple reason that we started grade 1 together, and so they know things about me that I don't remember, but I don't have any family who can do that for well over a decade of my life.

[novel_machinist]

That sucks beyond measure. <3 I feel for you too.

[fred_mouse]

Thanks. <3 I feel for you too.