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Singular they, singular they.
I am of two minds when it comes to singular they.
If I'm talking to somebody who thinks singular they is a sign that we'll all be grunting in another generation, and that it's a sin right up there with theft, murder, and lying? Then I'm all "Hey, Shakespeare* did it, I'm okay with it, that settles it".
And really, for the most part, that's how I feel anyway. Even when not talking to anybody! Singular they neatly fits a lexical gap**, and most of the time it's not even noticeable in your speech unless your listener is paying really, really close attention for some perverse reason.
But stylistically, sometimes singular they really is a terrible option, and actually kinda sucks. People pick it because they don't want to say "he or she", which is fair. "He or she" sounds really clunky, especially if you have to say it more than once. But there is another choice! If you're doing something that will be published in any way (that is, not just talking to your friends), think when editing and ask yourself "Can I avoid having to make this choice altogether? Will this sentence be better if I just recast it to avoid singular they?"
For example, Evangeline has to do a book report. As the sheet says, "Each child will make their own mask."
And that sentence just jumped out at me and bugged me the first time I read it. I know what it is, too - it's the way that "their" is sandwiched in between "each" and the non-plural "mask", when obviously the teacher is going to end up with several masks.
Do I think it's okay grammatically? Yeah, certainly in my dialect.
Do I think it's the best way to write that sentence? No. I think it sounds awkward that way. Singular they is supposed to help us avoid awkward!
And even if others disagree, the last thing any first grade teacher needs to do is have some parents going "Huh, that woman doesn't even know how to speak Good EnglishTM! I must complain!" (And somebody will. I myself am very concerned that she may not know the difference between its and it's, but we all make typos. People? Please, just proofread!)
It would've been better to write "The children will make their own masks" or "Each child will make a mask". These are sentences that sound natural, and avoid using a disputed pronoun.
As another example, one which really bothered my mom when it came out, there was a commercial once that started off "A parent wants what's best for their child". And that just bugged her. She said it sounded like they started off with "a mother/her", decided that's sexist, and changed it without thinking about it. "Parents want" would sound better, she thought, and she's probably right.
So, yeah. The question isn't "What do I say instead of that?", it's "Okay, this sentence doesn't work with singular they, let's see if I can recast it entirely so I can avoid it altogether".
* Shakespeare and a lot of other respected writers over several centuries, actually.
** We're reading Five Children and It right now, and Nesbit's solution when talking about the children is to use "it" where I'd put in a "they". "Everyone washed its hands" and so on. Very odd to me!
I am of two minds when it comes to singular they.
If I'm talking to somebody who thinks singular they is a sign that we'll all be grunting in another generation, and that it's a sin right up there with theft, murder, and lying? Then I'm all "Hey, Shakespeare* did it, I'm okay with it, that settles it".
And really, for the most part, that's how I feel anyway. Even when not talking to anybody! Singular they neatly fits a lexical gap**, and most of the time it's not even noticeable in your speech unless your listener is paying really, really close attention for some perverse reason.
But stylistically, sometimes singular they really is a terrible option, and actually kinda sucks. People pick it because they don't want to say "he or she", which is fair. "He or she" sounds really clunky, especially if you have to say it more than once. But there is another choice! If you're doing something that will be published in any way (that is, not just talking to your friends), think when editing and ask yourself "Can I avoid having to make this choice altogether? Will this sentence be better if I just recast it to avoid singular they?"
For example, Evangeline has to do a book report. As the sheet says, "Each child will make their own mask."
And that sentence just jumped out at me and bugged me the first time I read it. I know what it is, too - it's the way that "their" is sandwiched in between "each" and the non-plural "mask", when obviously the teacher is going to end up with several masks.
Do I think it's okay grammatically? Yeah, certainly in my dialect.
Do I think it's the best way to write that sentence? No. I think it sounds awkward that way. Singular they is supposed to help us avoid awkward!
And even if others disagree, the last thing any first grade teacher needs to do is have some parents going "Huh, that woman doesn't even know how to speak Good EnglishTM! I must complain!" (And somebody will. I myself am very concerned that she may not know the difference between its and it's, but we all make typos. People? Please, just proofread!)
It would've been better to write "The children will make their own masks" or "Each child will make a mask". These are sentences that sound natural, and avoid using a disputed pronoun.
As another example, one which really bothered my mom when it came out, there was a commercial once that started off "A parent wants what's best for their child". And that just bugged her. She said it sounded like they started off with "a mother/her", decided that's sexist, and changed it without thinking about it. "Parents want" would sound better, she thought, and she's probably right.
So, yeah. The question isn't "What do I say instead of that?", it's "Okay, this sentence doesn't work with singular they, let's see if I can recast it entirely so I can avoid it altogether".
* Shakespeare and a lot of other respected writers over several centuries, actually.
** We're reading Five Children and It right now, and Nesbit's solution when talking about the children is to use "it" where I'd put in a "they". "Everyone washed its hands" and so on. Very odd to me!
