Watched Megamind.

[conuly]

The movie reminds me of an interesting question that I've thought about a few times before and since. What if you DID find a capsule with an alien baby inside? One who looks *alien*, that is. Let's face it, Superman is pretty darn unrealistic. What're the odds that the intelligent beings of another planet would look like us? I mean, even on Earth, the only critters that look like people are our own cousins. Even if aliens had our own basic shape (something which already strikes me as pretty unlikely when there are so many possibilities), it's still fantastically improbable that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference just by looking, right?

So, what do you do? You're not going to just send the kid to school, I know that for damn sure. I mean, we've all seen the movies - and not just the cheerful, "strange visitor from another planet", superhero movies. The scary movies where government agents chop up innocent aliens while singing cheerfully about it and going home to enjoy a nice dinner.

So it seems to me that the thing to do is to homeschool. But you don't really want to raise the kid locked in an attic for safety, right? Better get somewhere out in the rural wilderness where the kid can go outside now and again without being snatched up by shadowy conspiratorial agencies every time they blink.

But what would your alien child eat? Better enlist the aid of a doctor/scientist - one of the reputable, humane ones, thanks! - to help you figure out the best child for your little foundling. And socialization is (probably) important... luckily, people can chat online nowadays, so that's *something* anyway, but if you can get some trustworthy friends with trustworthy (or else incredibly UNtrustworthy, so nobody believes them) children (possibly blind children) to come over, so much the better.

I suppose it's not impossible. But then, what do you do when the kid grows up? Maybe you should rethink this plan, move to an area with a large Muslim population, and dress your adopted kid in a burqa at all times. Not very fashionable, but that's beside the point. Of course, the flaw with this plan is that people will assume you're Muslim, and that can lead to all kinds of awkward if you don't want it.

*sighs*

I just don't know.

I do know that I believe in being prepared. So, pre-emptively, should I ever find myself in this (unlikely) situation, who here is a. sufficiently isolated and b. willing to help out in the eventual relocation effort?

Comments

[rho]

I actually wonder if the opposite approach mightn't be a better one. Go public, have the alien appear on various talk shows, make it known the whole world over. I don't think nasty government people would dare to cut open a celebrity; it would be too unpopular.

What you don't want is for Scary Nasty Government Agencies to know about it, but nobody else. Then you're screwed. And if you try to keep it a secret, then there's always the risk of that happening. Go completely public, though, and that risk is gone.

[conuly]

There is that approach - but do I take it with a helpless baby? If it all goes wrong....

Then again, people are less likely to go along with chopping up a helpless baby than with a snarky teenager or a scary grown-up, I guess.

[leora.livejournal.com]

Well, the answer to Superman looking like humans is that his parents searched through countless planets and deliberately sent him to one where he would look like the inhabitants, the ecosystem would support him, and he would be overpowered, because they worried that he'd need all the help he could get as a baby on his own. So, if the parents have enough science to be able to scope out a vast number of planets and life is common, then maybe looking similar isn't that unlikely. It's very hard to say.

But in your scenario... it depends how different. You can pass a lot off as a genetic disorder/disease. A small, understanding town may be the way to go. Sometimes a particular unusual thing can be gotten used to, and you can get the town's support. This does not always work out though.

It really depends on the degree of difference, I think. The total covering might be best if the alien is visually very different. Of course, if the alien is different enough, then isolation is the way to go... you're going to have trouble hiding the fact that the alien isn't a biped, for example.

ID is going to be a serious problem though if the baby looks different enough. You might be best off moving to a country that isn't quite so caring about paperwork, which has many downsides.

[siderea]

I thought the answer was "move to the abandoned tunnel system in the streets below NYC, and homeschool there?"

[conuly]

Yes, well, as I said - I've seen the movies. Those tunnels are less "abandoned" and more "FULL OF PEOPLE". They even have illegal art shows! Now, while admittedly there's something very attractive about staying in the city, with all that illicit culture around, we have to think about the kiddo's long-term safety. What with the homeless guys and the artists and the molemen running around, and the periodic cops trying to catch said homeless guys and artists and molemen, it's not that secure, is it?

[siderea]

Sheesh, I thought you didn't believe in overprotective helicopter parenting. You should know by now the molemen most likely to harm a child are the ones in his own family.

[conuly]

Okay, you win. I'm about dead of laughter here.

But what about the cops? They'll just assume I'm a moleman or an artist and shoot first, ask questions later. And then the poor kid will be all alone and become some sort of train-fixated supervillain or something, like Darius McCollum.

[siderea]

\o/

You're just going to have to record a lot of heart-warming, platitude-rich video messages for your ET kid to watch later in his Fortress of Solitude about power and responsibility, and the virtues of alternative forms of transportation.

[conuly]

Not too heartwarming. God knows we don't want the kid to get the wrong idea and become a safety-dictator, enforcing mass transit whether the masses want it or not! Like that one Darkwing episode, remember?

[siderea]

No, wait, wha?

[conuly]

You never saw that Darkwing Duck episode? The one where Gozalyn disappears and then shows up in the future and Darkwing has gone all evil and all?

[conuly]

http://www.megavideo.com/?v=LYE0SC60

It's actually been years, despite being my FAVORITE episode EVER. So I may have misremembered it.

[gmdreia.livejournal.com]

This post and thread are the stuff that awesome is made of.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

You would probably like the book Cuckoo's Egg by C.J. Cherryh (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuckoo's_Egg_(novel)), which deals with a cloned human child being raised in an alien society that's never seen or even conceived of any 'aliens' before.

He does indeed get homeschooled in the rural wilderness, and he has a very specific, vitally important job to do when he grows up, but things aren't so easy for him. Wearing a burqa isn't any help in a society where people communicate partially by scent.

[conuly]

I'll check it out, thank you!