conuly

Current Mood: sick

Was fine most of the day, just coughing, got a sore throat midway through - and then, bam - I stand up and find myself very dizzy. Both lightheaded and spinny dizzy. Very scary when you have a good 45 minutes before your ride shows up, and you're watching her kid (so you can't go home early), and it's pouring rain and you're not dressed for it at all (because you have a ride!).

It's a sinus thing, I know it. I used to feel this way all the time in high school, which explains some of my poor performance. It's weird, though, because recently I also felt another thing I haven't felt in a few years - random anxiety out of nowhere. It took me ages to work out that it was internal instead of external! I would drive myself into a dithering panic over why I felt so anxious and stressed, and make real problems for myself that way, which only, of course, made it worse. But I've worked it out - it's seasonal. Once I worked that out, I was able to ignore it, which made it mostly go away as far as I'm concerned, so it really surprised me when it happened again a few days ago.

Anyway, as it happened, another kid we love and adore (I'll call him P because I'm about to say something marginally sensitive about him) showed up with both his parents, so I had help watching the three I was watching, which was great.

The other parents and I got to talking about school, and their kid. He's turning five this month, and he's in pre-k, and he's struggling. Well, I have some idea why, and I think they know too if they look - he's a little immature. (Well, of course he is, he's four, but I mean he's a little immature compared to most kids his age I know.)

Well, you know, I was miserable in school, even when I was little, I wasn't very happy. If I had my own kids, I'd want to homeschool (which is another reason I'm not having kids - the logistics of homeschooling as a single parent (because I can't see myself finding a guy to co-parent with, and don't really want to) seem a little difficult. Not impossible, but - difficult), but that's a me thing. I wasn't happy, why put a kid through that when I don't even like the standard public school model that much anyway?

With that said, if P were my kid, I *really* would want to homeschool, as a him thing - from what they've said, it doesn't sound like his personality is really a good fit for what they describe as a somewhat strict (which they like about it) Catholic school environment. And his mom is right - if he's disrupting the class, that's a behaviour problem of his, but... I don't think that's a problem that's just going to go away, nor that they really know how to fix it.

But of course I'm biased. But they brought up the discussion, so I did mention that it might be an option to hold him back to do another year of pre-K before kindergarten, or to do a half-day kindergarten instead of full-day. Which they wouldn't hear of.

And this is where I found our real disconnect - I figure that, at that age, their development comes when it will. If he's not yet capable of really sitting still, or really keeping his mouth shut about how slowly the class is going, then that's that. You can help it, but you can't force it. But his parents disagree. They come at it from the view that pre-k is what helps develop those skills, even if in the meantime he's started being very resistant to doing what he's expected to do at all, like writing letters or going to school, which is how they described it to me - but maybe they're venting a little. I don't know. I just look at Angelique and how she's blossomed without pre-K that, frankly, I didn't think she was ready for (though she would be now!), and... I don't think they see that possibility.

At any rate, I can't convince them I'm right, even though I do think they're coming at this from the wrong angle. I can only sit and hope everything turns out all right in 13 years, and not bring it up again unless they do more than bring it up, but ask me for my opinion. I might make it a "not to be spoken of" topic with them. I hate doing that, I do, but you know I tend to go on and on!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

elenbarathi.livejournal.com

As a former preschool and kindergarten teacher, I can definitively say that sending children to kindergarten when they're not ready for it is a big mistake, and often causes problems that last through the child's entire school career.

You're absolutely right: development happens when it happens. Forcing a kid to sit still and shut up when he's not developmentally ready to do so isn't 'teaching' him anything good. Of course he's resistant to it, and if he's disrupting the class, he's hindering the teacher from teaching the other children.

A lot of parents decide their kid is 'ready for school', not on the basis of how far along the kid is in developmental tasks, but on the basis of how much the kid is getting on their nerves at home. People who've spoiled their children past bearing, given them no consistent structure and taught them almost nothing suddenly want the kids to have a "strict academic environment" so as to make up for their own shortcomings as parents, but of course the kids have no idea how to act in such an environment. The reverse of this is parents who decide their quiet intellectual child needs 'socialization', and so force the kid into unstructured childrens' activities that often consist mainly of running around screaming and bickering.

You're q

From:

conuly

1. The comment got cut off, it ends "The reverse of this is parents who decide their quiet intellectual child needs 'socialization', and so force the kid into unstructured childrens' activities that often consist mainly of running around screaming and bickering.

You're q"

2. A lot of parents decide their kid is 'ready for school', not on the basis of how far along the kid is in developmental tasks, but on the basis of how much the kid is getting on their nerves at home.

I don't think that's what's going on here. His parents spend a lot of time with him, and always seem to actively enjoy is company, even when it's hard. He's a little wild, but he's sweet, and not at all rough. Really, it's the opposite in terms of discipline - his father tends to follow him around, reminding him to behave, that sort of thing.

I think it's more that they looked at the calendar and made their choice based on that. "Yup, he's four, time for pre-k. Yup, he's five, time for him to act five!" Which isn't necessarily any better, because he's not going to act his age just because they want that (and I do believe, as well, that the school's expectations of five year olds is too much - his parents talked about having to sit down at desks next year. In kindergarten? Absurd, and I wonder if I should have at least said that - but really, we clearly don't agree on education, especially as it pertains to young children) but I wouldn't call it actively bad or lazy parenting.

From:

conuly

And he's nearly five now, I should mention. But in terms of his behaviour, I can see why his teacher gets frustrated. He's one of the older kids in his class, but I'll guess he acts younger than the youngest. That's just where he's at.

From:

brownkitty.livejournal.com

1)I agree with you. Expecting a child to be at a certain maturity level at a certain age is almost like expecting them to be at a certain height on schedule.

2)Colin graduated kindergarten. We had a meeting with his teachers, and they said, "He could go on to the next year, but we're not sure he's got things as securely as he needs to have them." Colin's stepfather and I decided, on the spot and with no discussion, to have Colin repeat kindergarten.

It takes TIME to build up momentum. If you can't get your feet securely under you at the start, it'll cause you difficulty sooner rather than later.

Does their school district have entry testing for kindergarten?