I just realized. I've never seen my father's grave.

[conuly]

I didn't intend to see it, and it didn't just slip my mind or anything, I've just never thought much about it.

In fiction, people are everlastingly visiting their parents' graves to say things or think or leave coded messages or whatnot. I wasn't even sure where my father was buried, I had to run and ask my mom. I knew the state (Daddy was born in Texas and he was buried in Texas, and I do believe this says a lot about him), but not the city.

I am not intending to rush out now on a train to see it. What would I do there? Leave some flowers to die? Better to leave a rock, but I'm not Jewish, and really, what's the point? Either I remember my father and he can know about it, in which case, great, or I remember him and he can't know about it, so it doesn't matter. Or I don't remember him, but I do, so that's not worth working out. I could make a grave rubbing, but modern graves aren't very interesting, generally. Daddy's might be an exception, but it seems a lot of trouble just to find out that.

Oh, I know, people talk to their loved ones, but that doesn't make sense either. My father didn't live in a cemetery, he lived here. He's just dead in a cemetery, but then, he's dead everywhere, so if one can talk to the dead it surely makes sense to do so where they used to be.

I don't even *want* to go visiting graves (except the old, historic sort which are interesting in and of themselves), but now that I've realized I haven't, I get this nagging feeling like I'm somehow out of step with what I should have done. And I can't figure out why people do it anyway, though I'm sure it's one of those things that really doesn't ask for an explanation.

Comments

[dandelion.livejournal.com]

When I was little, we used to visit my opa's grave and tend to it when we came over in the summer - it wasn't just a headstone, it was fairly big, because I think it was a family grave. But in Germany, or at least in this particular cemetery, you only lease the land for 20 years, and a few years back the lease expired because we knew there wouldn't be any family members in Germany by the end of another 20 years. So I know he's still buried there, but I've no idea what state the grave's in or whether they've started adding people to the plot or something, and I don't think I'll ever know because I'm not going to go back to that town now my grandma's died for a very long time.