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conuly
And, long story short, she can be very... uh... direct when speaking to people. Which is to say that she's blunt to a point that I've long since learned most people don't appreciate, but she hasn't.
Which is great for me, because when I can talk to people the way I like to talk and I know they don't get offended, I'm a very happy Connie. And unless I'm severely misjudging her, I'm quite certain she doesn't *really* think that everybody in the world who doesn't do things like her is... well, I'm sure she does think she's wrong, but I think something similar if I'm honest, so that's all right.
But she has felt she doesn't have enough friends. And it came up and I mentioned that maybe she comes on just a tiny bit too strong at times, and she says "I always say no offense!" or "It's my opinion!"
And I do believe she means it when she says it, too.
So I'm about to explain to you all what I eventually worked out for myself out of years of work and effort, and which she hasn't, and which somebody might find useful:
When you say "It's my opinion" or "No offense" you might think you're sounding less judgmental, and you might quite honestly mean "this is only my opinion" or "I do not intend to offend you, I just don't know how to say it nicely", but the vast majority of the world isn't going to interpret it that way, because if they said those things, no matter how they justified it, deep down they wouldn't mean it. So instead of your desired effect (unless of course you were consciously using those phrases to deflect criticism while insulting others, in which case you still could do better), you sound *more* judgmental, *more* critical, and *more* insulting. And people certainly shouldn't use those phrases in that way, but they do, and until you can smack every one of them with a dictionary and make them talk right (which means, of course, the way I do it!), you're better off trying to suck it up and expurgating those phrases from your vocabulary.
Now, there is a polite way to talk about how your choices are right without sounding like how other people do things is totally wrong. I'm sure of it. There must be. But whatever that polite way is, it's not to frame your statements with phrases like "My opinion" and "No offense". People are never going to take that the right way (unless, again, the right way includes them getting upset at you without quite knowing how to return the comment, in which case, bravo!).
Which is great for me, because when I can talk to people the way I like to talk and I know they don't get offended, I'm a very happy Connie. And unless I'm severely misjudging her, I'm quite certain she doesn't *really* think that everybody in the world who doesn't do things like her is... well, I'm sure she does think she's wrong, but I think something similar if I'm honest, so that's all right.
But she has felt she doesn't have enough friends. And it came up and I mentioned that maybe she comes on just a tiny bit too strong at times, and she says "I always say no offense!" or "It's my opinion!"
And I do believe she means it when she says it, too.
So I'm about to explain to you all what I eventually worked out for myself out of years of work and effort, and which she hasn't, and which somebody might find useful:
When you say "It's my opinion" or "No offense" you might think you're sounding less judgmental, and you might quite honestly mean "this is only my opinion" or "I do not intend to offend you, I just don't know how to say it nicely", but the vast majority of the world isn't going to interpret it that way, because if they said those things, no matter how they justified it, deep down they wouldn't mean it. So instead of your desired effect (unless of course you were consciously using those phrases to deflect criticism while insulting others, in which case you still could do better), you sound *more* judgmental, *more* critical, and *more* insulting. And people certainly shouldn't use those phrases in that way, but they do, and until you can smack every one of them with a dictionary and make them talk right (which means, of course, the way I do it!), you're better off trying to suck it up and expurgating those phrases from your vocabulary.
Now, there is a polite way to talk about how your choices are right without sounding like how other people do things is totally wrong. I'm sure of it. There must be. But whatever that polite way is, it's not to frame your statements with phrases like "My opinion" and "No offense". People are never going to take that the right way (unless, again, the right way includes them getting upset at you without quite knowing how to return the comment, in which case, bravo!).
