You know what? I'm pissed.

[conuly]

Anyone who has read my lookie should know I have a BIG BOLD DISCLAIMER up about how blah blah blah autistic blah blah blah rudeness blah blah blah shut the fuck up.

Now, this disclaimer has a long history. Way back when, I posted a lot on I&S on Neopets. And I corrected people's spelling. ALL THE TIME. Sometimes because I had to spell it correctly to understand it, and sometimes because I didn't like the person and wanted to annoy them (I admit it now). And then I'd laugh as they tried to correct me, invariably being wrong or irritated that I really didn't give a. Unlike them.

I also told off people for scamming, spamming, and being stupid. But not in those words. I was perfect, nearly. And occasionally, I appear to have driven people to tears. I'd feel sad, except that I don't know these people, and I only know about them because of this standard exchange:

Random person: U MAD MAH FREIND CRY!!!!111 Y R U SO ROOD?
Me: Um, who are you, who is your friend, what did I say?
Random person: U NO WAT U SED!!!!!!!11111one
Me: No, I don't. I post on a lot of boards. Could you please tell me what board you're talking about?
Random person: (creative cursewords) MEEN!

The few times I found out what I'd said, it either turned out to be a misunderstanding, or the person DESERVED to be insulted (yes, posting chain letters is rude. yes, posting scams is wrong. yes, what you said WAS a scam, and it's nicer to tell you than to just report you and get you frozen). Most times, though, I only ever got yelled at by proxy for something I couldn't even remember. And occasionally, I was definitely in the wrong. Maybe I'd been PMSy, or tired, or just stupid, I'm not that perfect. But mostly it was a misunderstanding on somebody's part.

So I invented the disclaimer. The first part, about AS, was designed to keep me from explaining this individually to EVERY justified complaint (and avoid hearing "well, you still shouldn't be rude!!!" when I didn't and/or don't think I was), the second was supposed to remind people to be sensible instead of stupid.

More recently, somebody who shall remain unnamed called me rude and then steadfastly refused to explain why. Nevermind that calling other people rude IS rude, is it so hard to say "oh, this is what you said"? Gah!

So, now I've got the longass disclaimer, and I hate it. Makes me look like a whiny snot. Obviously, I need to find a way to tread that thin line between "this explains what happened" and "I'm making excuses"

Help?

Comments

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

I think that part of it is because it IS on the internet, making it harder for people to understand that you're NOT being condescending. I know that when you and I first started talking, saying what you meant and believing in things fully (ie, spelling, etc) was the first (but god, not the last) thing I really respected about you.

As for the 'disclaimer' ... As you said, it's not an excuse per se (Not that you need one), but sort of a preemptive 'Um, sorry if I pissed you off, I didn't mean to, talk to me etc.' I don't think it makes you whiny or that you use it as an excuse. For the people that do not read it, perhaps it sounds like such.

I don't know Con. *hugs*

..._{if that was incoherent, my apologies.}

[georgiapeachy.livejournal.com]

I didn't really attribute my harshness to being an aspie, so even though I can be extremely caustic, I don't have a disclaimer because I don't really mind that label. However, perhaps its good to have a long one, i'm sure people just think i'm evil or something, whereas at least if they wanted to they could find a possible motivation...

[auryanne.livejournal.com]

Urrr... how could you even tell what that person was saying? O_o

Honestly though, I wouldn't lose too much sleep over upsetting people who just don't get it.

[conuly]

I exaggerated. Slightly. The problem is, if you tell me I'm being rude, I will want to know why. Telling me that and then not telling me what I said (much less why it upset you) is horrible, because, despite what some people think, it IS a big deal if I've gone through the effort of explaining why it matters.

[goddess588.livejournal.com]

Well, your disclaimer didn't put me off and basically I've never found you to be anything but reasonable. Though I'm one of those people who has no problems with being challenged or asked to back up a statement. If you pissed me off I'd certainly tell you and I'd tell you why.

Maybe you could change your disclaimer to say 'Doesn't tolerate idiots or those allergic to discussion.' (just kidding) Connie, it's not your problem, it's the problem of the people who say 'You're rude' and won't/can't back it up, the people who are unable or unwilling (or too frightened by your reputation?) to discuss a possible misunderstanding. Your disclaimer is there for a reason and anyone who ignores it isn't worth thinking about, anyone who is put off by it isn't either.

Aspergers does affect the ability to communicate and at times understand and I think you put that across very clearly in your disclaimer. I know that sounds bizarre - that you communicate clearly when the issue is that you sometimes don't, but that's my perspective. I think because you have the insight and awareness it makes you try harder and you're more successful (and succinct) than a lot of people.

You don't sound pathetic or like you're making excuses. The disclaimer is fine.

[conuly]

Hm... Okay. It's not that I don't communicate well, because I do (most of the time. Sometimes I just don't) but that I don't always make sense with other people. I think.

Succinct? Huh. Normally I think I'm unnecessarily verbose. Which I like, of course, there's never a reason to use one word when ten can do!

[goddess588.livejournal.com]

I did say sometimes. And you're succinct (though perhaps I'm using the wrong word) often - you give enough background in your posts/comments for me to understand where you're coming from, it's not all unnecessary crap. I know you do some long posts and some rambly ones (don't we all?) but generally you put your point across very clearly.

suc·cinct ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sk-sngkt)
adj. suc·cinct·er, suc·cinct·est
Characterized by clear, precise expression in few words; concise and terse: a succinct reply; a succinct style.

I guess I meant that your communication is precise and clear, despite any wordiness.

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

I think that part of it is because it IS on the internet, making it harder for people to understand that you're NOT being condescending. I know that when you and I first started talking, saying what you meant and believing in things fully (ie, spelling, etc) was the first (but god, not the last) thing I really respected about you.

As for the 'disclaimer' ... As you said, it's not an excuse per se (Not that you need one), but sort of a preemptive 'Um, sorry if I pissed you off, I didn't mean to, talk to me etc.' I don't think it makes you whiny or that you use it as an excuse. For the people that do not read it, perhaps it sounds like such.

I don't know Con. *hugs*

..._{if that was incoherent, my apologies.}

[georgiapeachy.livejournal.com]

I didn't really attribute my harshness to being an aspie, so even though I can be extremely caustic, I don't have a disclaimer because I don't really mind that label. However, perhaps its good to have a long one, i'm sure people just think i'm evil or something, whereas at least if they wanted to they could find a possible motivation...

[auryanne.livejournal.com]

Urrr... how could you even tell what that person was saying? O_o

Honestly though, I wouldn't lose too much sleep over upsetting people who just don't get it.

[conuly]

I exaggerated. Slightly. The problem is, if you tell me I'm being rude, I will want to know why. Telling me that and then not telling me what I said (much less why it upset you) is horrible, because, despite what some people think, it IS a big deal if I've gone through the effort of explaining why it matters.

[goddess588.livejournal.com]

Well, your disclaimer didn't put me off and basically I've never found you to be anything but reasonable. Though I'm one of those people who has no problems with being challenged or asked to back up a statement. If you pissed me off I'd certainly tell you and I'd tell you why.

Maybe you could change your disclaimer to say 'Doesn't tolerate idiots or those allergic to discussion.' (just kidding) Connie, it's not your problem, it's the problem of the people who say 'You're rude' and won't/can't back it up, the people who are unable or unwilling (or too frightened by your reputation?) to discuss a possible misunderstanding. Your disclaimer is there for a reason and anyone who ignores it isn't worth thinking about, anyone who is put off by it isn't either.

Aspergers does affect the ability to communicate and at times understand and I think you put that across very clearly in your disclaimer. I know that sounds bizarre - that you communicate clearly when the issue is that you sometimes don't, but that's my perspective. I think because you have the insight and awareness it makes you try harder and you're more successful (and succinct) than a lot of people.

You don't sound pathetic or like you're making excuses. The disclaimer is fine.

[conuly]

Hm... Okay. It's not that I don't communicate well, because I do (most of the time. Sometimes I just don't) but that I don't always make sense with other people. I think.

Succinct? Huh. Normally I think I'm unnecessarily verbose. Which I like, of course, there's never a reason to use one word when ten can do!

[goddess588.livejournal.com]

I did say sometimes. And you're succinct (though perhaps I'm using the wrong word) often - you give enough background in your posts/comments for me to understand where you're coming from, it's not all unnecessary crap. I know you do some long posts and some rambly ones (don't we all?) but generally you put your point across very clearly.

suc·cinct ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sk-sngkt)
adj. suc·cinct·er, suc·cinct·est
Characterized by clear, precise expression in few words; concise and terse: a succinct reply; a succinct style.

I guess I meant that your communication is precise and clear, despite any wordiness.