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conuly
Now that I'm not sitting on the bus anymore, this is the funniest thing.
I got off the boat, and immediately ran into 'dul and the kids, so I took the bus with them instead of my usual bus. They got one seat in the front (Ana got a seat, 'dul and baby stood - 'dul was offered a seat but turned it down), and I moved towards the back of the bus to sit.
It was a full up bus, but not exactly crowded.
Now, like most people, I don't like standing past the back door. I mean, I *will* if I have to, but I prefer not to. No real reason, I guess, I just don't like to.
So I get there, and I stand in front of a seat with a bag on it. A black woman (this becomes important. Well, to her, anyway....) with ugly-ass nails (this is unimportant, but I feel entitled to a little snottiness here) is rifling through the bag to find her phone. She looks at me. I look at her. She finds her phone and stares at me. I look at her.
Finally, the bus starts moving, and I have to ask...
Me: Ma'am? Can I sit down?
Bag: *gets moved, and put on her lap*
Me: *sits down* Thanks.
Simple, right? I'm not the most coordinated person. I can hold my balance on a bus, but I really prefer not to try if I don't have to. Asking for a seat, not that big a deal. Or so I thought....
Ugly Nails: Was my bag offending you?
Me: Uhh....?
UN: Because I was going to put it on the floor.
Me: Okay.
UN: Did it upset you that it was there or something?
My thoughts: Well, actually, now that you happen to mention it....
Me: Um....
UN: Because I was just getting my phone. I was going to put it down when it was done.
Me: Okay, ma'am. I wasn't upset....
Thoughts: Can you SHUT THE FUCK UP? This is a damn bus. Just leave me alone, 'k?
UN: Because you're not the seat police. I saw you glaring at me.
Me: No, I really wasn't...
UN: Yes you were. You were offended by me.
Me: No, but if it makes you feel better, I'm sorry....?
UN: Yes you were!
Me: Fine, whatever.
You'll note that thus far, I'd been taking the tack of being unflaggingly polite. This wasn't by intent - it's the result of modeling good behaviour for Ana all the time. Some of it's rubbing off. I didn't used to call people ma'am and sir all the time. It's just rubbed off. Damn it.
UN: Is that seat big enough for you?
Thoughts: Riiiight. Can you be any more obvious? Listen, not only do I not care about what I weigh, I care even less about what you think I weigh - or what you want me to think I weigh, anyway.
Me: Yes, thank you.
UN: Because that seat is pretty small.
Me: No, not really, thanks.
UN: I'd be embarrassed if I was you. I'd be embarrassed.
Me: (getting a little irritated - we hadn't even gotten anywhere yet!) Ma'am, if I acted like you, I'd be embarrassed too.
UN: NO I WOULDN'T! I'd be embarrassed at my weight. Because this seat is really too small for you. There's bigger seats back there. You didn't have to sit here.
(it goes on like this for a while)
Me: Ma'am, if you're so offended by my presence, maybe you could move back there.
OMG. You would've thought I'd asked her to slave away on my plantation for a few years.
UN: You think I'm gonna sit on the back of the bus? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Like I'm gonna sit on the back of the bus for you.
Thoughts: Okay, see, I didn't say that because you're black. I said that because you're annoying. And, in case you haven't noticed, we're already at the back of the bus.
Me: Ma'am, do I know you...? (As in, have I somehow spent my life pissing you off and you just never said anything until now, and let me tell you you picked a really bad time, this is a bus for crying out loud!)
UN: I don't think so. *blathering on*
Me: (turning to the guy next to me) Sir? Do you mind switching seats with me?
Guy next to me: *smiles, shakes head*
Me: Please?
And she just keeps talking about how I'm fat (pretty sure I'm not, if you're curious, and I find it frankly frightening that she just assumed this would be an effective tactic) and how I'm not the bus police, and how dare I suggest she sit on the back of the bus....
Finally, having moved through polite, to slight irritation, I decided on method 3 - making a bigger scene than she is.
Me: EXCUSE ME! DOES ANYBODY THINK I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAT HERE?
Naturally, yelling like this got three responses - a few people vaguelly made motions or sounds like they agreed with me, most people studiously ignored me, and, of course, the woman with the ugly nails decided to try my method...
UN: YEAH! Let's take a poll!
Unfortunately for her, she got even less support than I did.
She didn't actually shut up, but she switched to muttering under her breath about how she wasn't even going to waste her energy beating me up, and of course that's why she's a corrections officer, and on and on. When her muttering got loud enough, I oh-so-politely told her I hoped that whatever personal issues she was clearly experiencing would resolve themselves soon.
The next three minutes were actually silent. Blissfully so.
I had to reach around behind her to ring the bell. In so doing, I bumped into her. I swear to God, it was a total accident. But it was worth it for her complete and total lack of response. Hysterical, seriously.
Unlike some people, I really can't be bothered to be offended by her bad behaviour. If this were Ana's behaviour, I'd be both offended and embarrassed, but this woman is an adult, with (clearly) some serious issues of her own. I'm more baffled, a bit irritated, and (now that it's over) a lot amused. What a waste of energy on her part!
I got off the boat, and immediately ran into 'dul and the kids, so I took the bus with them instead of my usual bus. They got one seat in the front (Ana got a seat, 'dul and baby stood - 'dul was offered a seat but turned it down), and I moved towards the back of the bus to sit.
It was a full up bus, but not exactly crowded.
Now, like most people, I don't like standing past the back door. I mean, I *will* if I have to, but I prefer not to. No real reason, I guess, I just don't like to.
So I get there, and I stand in front of a seat with a bag on it. A black woman (this becomes important. Well, to her, anyway....) with ugly-ass nails (this is unimportant, but I feel entitled to a little snottiness here) is rifling through the bag to find her phone. She looks at me. I look at her. She finds her phone and stares at me. I look at her.
Finally, the bus starts moving, and I have to ask...
Me: Ma'am? Can I sit down?
Bag: *gets moved, and put on her lap*
Me: *sits down* Thanks.
Simple, right? I'm not the most coordinated person. I can hold my balance on a bus, but I really prefer not to try if I don't have to. Asking for a seat, not that big a deal. Or so I thought....
Ugly Nails: Was my bag offending you?
Me: Uhh....?
UN: Because I was going to put it on the floor.
Me: Okay.
UN: Did it upset you that it was there or something?
My thoughts: Well, actually, now that you happen to mention it....
Me: Um....
UN: Because I was just getting my phone. I was going to put it down when it was done.
Me: Okay, ma'am. I wasn't upset....
Thoughts: Can you SHUT THE FUCK UP? This is a damn bus. Just leave me alone, 'k?
UN: Because you're not the seat police. I saw you glaring at me.
Me: No, I really wasn't...
UN: Yes you were. You were offended by me.
Me: No, but if it makes you feel better, I'm sorry....?
UN: Yes you were!
Me: Fine, whatever.
You'll note that thus far, I'd been taking the tack of being unflaggingly polite. This wasn't by intent - it's the result of modeling good behaviour for Ana all the time. Some of it's rubbing off. I didn't used to call people ma'am and sir all the time. It's just rubbed off. Damn it.
UN: Is that seat big enough for you?
Thoughts: Riiiight. Can you be any more obvious? Listen, not only do I not care about what I weigh, I care even less about what you think I weigh - or what you want me to think I weigh, anyway.
Me: Yes, thank you.
UN: Because that seat is pretty small.
Me: No, not really, thanks.
UN: I'd be embarrassed if I was you. I'd be embarrassed.
Me: (getting a little irritated - we hadn't even gotten anywhere yet!) Ma'am, if I acted like you, I'd be embarrassed too.
UN: NO I WOULDN'T! I'd be embarrassed at my weight. Because this seat is really too small for you. There's bigger seats back there. You didn't have to sit here.
(it goes on like this for a while)
Me: Ma'am, if you're so offended by my presence, maybe you could move back there.
OMG. You would've thought I'd asked her to slave away on my plantation for a few years.
UN: You think I'm gonna sit on the back of the bus? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Like I'm gonna sit on the back of the bus for you.
Thoughts: Okay, see, I didn't say that because you're black. I said that because you're annoying. And, in case you haven't noticed, we're already at the back of the bus.
Me: Ma'am, do I know you...? (As in, have I somehow spent my life pissing you off and you just never said anything until now, and let me tell you you picked a really bad time, this is a bus for crying out loud!)
UN: I don't think so. *blathering on*
Me: (turning to the guy next to me) Sir? Do you mind switching seats with me?
Guy next to me: *smiles, shakes head*
Me: Please?
And she just keeps talking about how I'm fat (pretty sure I'm not, if you're curious, and I find it frankly frightening that she just assumed this would be an effective tactic) and how I'm not the bus police, and how dare I suggest she sit on the back of the bus....
Finally, having moved through polite, to slight irritation, I decided on method 3 - making a bigger scene than she is.
Me: EXCUSE ME! DOES ANYBODY THINK I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAT HERE?
Naturally, yelling like this got three responses - a few people vaguelly made motions or sounds like they agreed with me, most people studiously ignored me, and, of course, the woman with the ugly nails decided to try my method...
UN: YEAH! Let's take a poll!
Unfortunately for her, she got even less support than I did.
She didn't actually shut up, but she switched to muttering under her breath about how she wasn't even going to waste her energy beating me up, and of course that's why she's a corrections officer, and on and on. When her muttering got loud enough, I oh-so-politely told her I hoped that whatever personal issues she was clearly experiencing would resolve themselves soon.
The next three minutes were actually silent. Blissfully so.
I had to reach around behind her to ring the bell. In so doing, I bumped into her. I swear to God, it was a total accident. But it was worth it for her complete and total lack of response. Hysterical, seriously.
Unlike some people, I really can't be bothered to be offended by her bad behaviour. If this were Ana's behaviour, I'd be both offended and embarrassed, but this woman is an adult, with (clearly) some serious issues of her own. I'm more baffled, a bit irritated, and (now that it's over) a lot amused. What a waste of energy on her part!
