Two posts about Katie...
Jun. 12th, 2006 07:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
One
Two
And an archived article
Apparently, my little post on That Video has been making the rounds of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
autismhub. I'm all blushing. Really.
Now, when I posted that, one of my friends commented that parts of the video really hit home - the bits about running into traffic, especially - and that it was, for her, a moving video.
And after thinking about it a while, I think I have an answer to that.
It is a moving video. It was clearly designed to be. The question is - is it moving us anywhere helpful?
Because I watched it, and I got the idea that I was supposed to be drifted along to the idea that autistic kids need help, and the help they need is to be cured. That autistic kids are, untreated, a terrible burden on their loving families. That autism is bad in and of itself.
I don't believe any of that.
I understand that presumably-NT parents, confronted with autism for the first time, are going to go through a period of trouble. They're going to want their dream-child back instead of the real child they have. They're going to feel lost, and helpless, and they'll believe that the problem is as easy as a cure.
But how long can they keep feeling like this? Is it healthy to keep feeling like this? Is it healthy for the parents? I know it's not healthy for the kids, even the ones whose parents don't admit to their thoughts of murder/suicide in front of them.
Indeed, those thoughts of murder/suicide - and the fact that the woman felt no compunction or regret over the thoughts, nor any apprehension about admitting them to the world (and her daughter) - seem to indicate that these feelings are very unhealthy.
It's not the autism making you want to kill yourself, lady, nor is it autism which makes anybody want to kill their kids, despite the rationalizations they use.
As near as I can see, it's fine to have these feelings - for a time. To act on them? Well... certainly not to kill your kids, but even to make it clear that they're not acceptable the way they are - that's not healthy. It's not healthy for NTs, how can it be healthy for autistics?
And to go and promote the idea that wallowing in your feelings of loss, and hopelessness, and normal = good - that's beyond unhealthy. That's flat-out unconscionable. People ought to be trying to work into accepting their children, not encouraging others to think that autisic kids deserve to be treated as burdens, trials, trouble.
I can't say this right. I hope that my effort comes through clearly, instead, because if I knew how to say it right, it'd be a lot more persuasive.
Two
And an archived article
Apparently, my little post on That Video has been making the rounds of
autismhub. I'm all blushing. Really.Now, when I posted that, one of my friends commented that parts of the video really hit home - the bits about running into traffic, especially - and that it was, for her, a moving video.
And after thinking about it a while, I think I have an answer to that.
It is a moving video. It was clearly designed to be. The question is - is it moving us anywhere helpful?
Because I watched it, and I got the idea that I was supposed to be drifted along to the idea that autistic kids need help, and the help they need is to be cured. That autistic kids are, untreated, a terrible burden on their loving families. That autism is bad in and of itself.
I don't believe any of that.
I understand that presumably-NT parents, confronted with autism for the first time, are going to go through a period of trouble. They're going to want their dream-child back instead of the real child they have. They're going to feel lost, and helpless, and they'll believe that the problem is as easy as a cure.
But how long can they keep feeling like this? Is it healthy to keep feeling like this? Is it healthy for the parents? I know it's not healthy for the kids, even the ones whose parents don't admit to their thoughts of murder/suicide in front of them.
Indeed, those thoughts of murder/suicide - and the fact that the woman felt no compunction or regret over the thoughts, nor any apprehension about admitting them to the world (and her daughter) - seem to indicate that these feelings are very unhealthy.
It's not the autism making you want to kill yourself, lady, nor is it autism which makes anybody want to kill their kids, despite the rationalizations they use.
As near as I can see, it's fine to have these feelings - for a time. To act on them? Well... certainly not to kill your kids, but even to make it clear that they're not acceptable the way they are - that's not healthy. It's not healthy for NTs, how can it be healthy for autistics?
And to go and promote the idea that wallowing in your feelings of loss, and hopelessness, and normal = good - that's beyond unhealthy. That's flat-out unconscionable. People ought to be trying to work into accepting their children, not encouraging others to think that autisic kids deserve to be treated as burdens, trials, trouble.
I can't say this right. I hope that my effort comes through clearly, instead, because if I knew how to say it right, it'd be a lot more persuasive.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 02:08 am (UTC)(1) The basic problem is you. (or in this case, your child.)
(2) The resolution of your problem is my professional control.
(3) My control is your help.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 02:43 am (UTC)There was one woman, however...(and thankfully her husband was the *best* with their son, almost making up for mom's weirdness)...she was so detached, so impatient, never wanted to hear a thing about her son's progress(working on his bar mitzvah and learning jewish studies from me) and never really paid that much attention to him...she also didn't really care to talk to me, or his other teacher, and never says hi when she sees me around the neighborhood...I have always thought her behaviour was unhealthy, for her, her son, and even her husband.
however, I could see that reaction as being normal when the child is first diagnosed, especially if they are especially unable to communicate, or have changed drastically in a short period of time. But by the time your kid is 10, you should have gotten it together a little bit.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 03:49 am (UTC)Unfortunately, the louder ones get the attention, don't they?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 04:22 am (UTC)And I understand the feeling. Some of these kids...were almost impossible to reach. Their parents dragged them to soccer, to baseball, to camp, made them play games...hoped they could be "normal"...even while being enthusiastic and loving and happy. They were not content to let their kids pick their own activities, even if that meant sitting at home reading or playing video games or staring into space. I mean, literally holding their hands and making them run down the field was kind of heartbreaking. But some of them just needed that extra hand-holding and reminder of which goal they should shoot at, which color their team was, a little encouragement...those kids blossomed in the program, and even though it took some of them a while, it really helped them to interact with each other and the "soccer buddies" and to find things they enjoyed.
that one woman always puzzled me, though. However, she was the breadwinner type in the family, whereas it seemed dad did most of the chauffeuring, etc. I don't know if she could have stayed that way otherwise, if she really was with her son every day after school, etc. I don't think people would be as shocked that a dad was like that as they are that a mom was, even though it's still unhealthy and weird.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 06:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 02:08 am (UTC)(1) The basic problem is you. (or in this case, your child.)
(2) The resolution of your problem is my professional control.
(3) My control is your help.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 02:43 am (UTC)There was one woman, however...(and thankfully her husband was the *best* with their son, almost making up for mom's weirdness)...she was so detached, so impatient, never wanted to hear a thing about her son's progress(working on his bar mitzvah and learning jewish studies from me) and never really paid that much attention to him...she also didn't really care to talk to me, or his other teacher, and never says hi when she sees me around the neighborhood...I have always thought her behaviour was unhealthy, for her, her son, and even her husband.
however, I could see that reaction as being normal when the child is first diagnosed, especially if they are especially unable to communicate, or have changed drastically in a short period of time. But by the time your kid is 10, you should have gotten it together a little bit.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 03:49 am (UTC)Unfortunately, the louder ones get the attention, don't they?
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 04:22 am (UTC)And I understand the feeling. Some of these kids...were almost impossible to reach. Their parents dragged them to soccer, to baseball, to camp, made them play games...hoped they could be "normal"...even while being enthusiastic and loving and happy. They were not content to let their kids pick their own activities, even if that meant sitting at home reading or playing video games or staring into space. I mean, literally holding their hands and making them run down the field was kind of heartbreaking. But some of them just needed that extra hand-holding and reminder of which goal they should shoot at, which color their team was, a little encouragement...those kids blossomed in the program, and even though it took some of them a while, it really helped them to interact with each other and the "soccer buddies" and to find things they enjoyed.
that one woman always puzzled me, though. However, she was the breadwinner type in the family, whereas it seemed dad did most of the chauffeuring, etc. I don't know if she could have stayed that way otherwise, if she really was with her son every day after school, etc. I don't think people would be as shocked that a dad was like that as they are that a mom was, even though it's still unhealthy and weird.
no subject
Date: 2006-06-13 06:41 am (UTC)