On empathy and autism and other stuff.
Feb. 3rd, 2005 08:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly
Disclaimer: Don't confuse me for an expert or anything :)
A lot of people believe that autism is incompatible with empathy, or with normal empathy. This, I believe, is not the case. I think that autistics are no less likely to be empathetic than other people, but that this is often overlooked because of communication problems.
Example: A while back, my mom was (apparently) hungry, and she asked me if I was hungry. I wasn't, so I said so. A little while later, she repeated the question. Now I'm irked, because I'm busy, so I say that no, but if I were, I'd cook something, she doesn't have to worry about it. And she gets upset.
Jenn eventually explains this as "well, she was hungry, and she wanted either for you to cook for her or to get her food, but she didn't want to ask" (at this point, Mommy's foot is still broken, so she shouldn't be standing in the kitchen for a long time).
Now *I'm* upset. If she were hungry, she should've said that, because I don't want my Mommy to be hungry. But she didn't, and this caused massive problems with us both being upset because she was trying to hint around the issue. I'm not lacking empathy, I just can't mindread like I want to be able to.
Example: The other day, I was at school with my sister. We were leaving James, and I went through the door to hold it for Jenn. Afterwards, she chewed me out for "pushing past the guy with the packages". I hadn't even *seen* the guy with the packages. If I had, I would've held the door. I don't lack empathy, I lack... I don't know, an ability to look where I'm going? I felt really bad about this too :(
Example: Way back on good ol' I&S, I corrected people's spelling. Religiously. I always corrected people. Occasionally, people would get upset at this. To them, this is mean. To me, though, this is courteous. I don't like being wrong, and I assume others are the same way. If I made a horrible spelling error, or any factual error, I'd like a correction. I may still argue, if I think your information is wrong, but I like to know anyway that I could be mistaken. I wasn't lacking empathy, I was trying to uphold the golden rule.
These are crappy examples, but the point should be clear. And the list, no doubt, goes on. And on. And on and on and on.
A lot of people believe that autism is incompatible with empathy, or with normal empathy. This, I believe, is not the case. I think that autistics are no less likely to be empathetic than other people, but that this is often overlooked because of communication problems.
Example: A while back, my mom was (apparently) hungry, and she asked me if I was hungry. I wasn't, so I said so. A little while later, she repeated the question. Now I'm irked, because I'm busy, so I say that no, but if I were, I'd cook something, she doesn't have to worry about it. And she gets upset.
Jenn eventually explains this as "well, she was hungry, and she wanted either for you to cook for her or to get her food, but she didn't want to ask" (at this point, Mommy's foot is still broken, so she shouldn't be standing in the kitchen for a long time).
Now *I'm* upset. If she were hungry, she should've said that, because I don't want my Mommy to be hungry. But she didn't, and this caused massive problems with us both being upset because she was trying to hint around the issue. I'm not lacking empathy, I just can't mindread like I want to be able to.
Example: The other day, I was at school with my sister. We were leaving James, and I went through the door to hold it for Jenn. Afterwards, she chewed me out for "pushing past the guy with the packages". I hadn't even *seen* the guy with the packages. If I had, I would've held the door. I don't lack empathy, I lack... I don't know, an ability to look where I'm going? I felt really bad about this too :(
Example: Way back on good ol' I&S, I corrected people's spelling. Religiously. I always corrected people. Occasionally, people would get upset at this. To them, this is mean. To me, though, this is courteous. I don't like being wrong, and I assume others are the same way. If I made a horrible spelling error, or any factual error, I'd like a correction. I may still argue, if I think your information is wrong, but I like to know anyway that I could be mistaken. I wasn't lacking empathy, I was trying to uphold the golden rule.
These are crappy examples, but the point should be clear. And the list, no doubt, goes on. And on. And on and on and on.
