I wonder what it's like to be so pointlessly scared of everyday things.

[conuly]

And I also wish I could ask the LW here what, exactly, they imagine is more risky about a public photo than simply leaving the house. One assumes that the recent grad does that.

Hell, if you have a sign of your child to celebrate their high school graduation then there is a nonzero chance that they do not currently reside at your house, so all you've done is... nothing.

(Also, ew to the implication that only pretty people get sexually assaulted.)

Comments

[wpadmirer]

(bangs head on desk)

[sabotabby]

That's so weird. Here we have lawn signs, which I think are a bit Problematic, but they don't have a specific kid picture on them.

[topaz_eyes]

LW would most definitely freak out if they learn our local high school runs a digital billboard, featuring photos of all its high school graduates for the entire summer...

[moon_custafer]

I mean, I guess the photo, being non-sentient and on the lawn round-the-clock, would be easier for a theoretical Person of Ill Intent to make note of than the actual kid coming and going from the house, would might notice that they’re under observation; but this does seem to fall into the category of telling everyone to worry about strangers lurking in the bushes when the real danger is usually from someone the victim knows.

[silveradept]

I am cheered to see the lawn signs around here, and have offered congratulations at a distance to those who are wearing caps and gowns and getting their picture in the park near me. I suppose that makes me a dangerous predator because I am taking an interest in someone?

Also, extra nope for the implications that the choice of picture is encouraging others to see their graduate in a sexual way first.

[conuly]

What's the problem?

[conuly]

It pisses me off so much.

[adrian_turtle]

It looks like the LW shouldn't be talking about "child predators" when these are pictures of high school graduates. But we teach young women to be wary of guys [1] who approach them ("Hey gorgeous!" [2] or "Is this seat taken?") and push for their phone number and address. Online, I see young people who work in food service or retail warning each other not to give honest answers to customers who ask how to contact their nice colleague who was working last night.

Some people are happy to walk around in public, and to be photographed in public, and maybe even to post selfies online. That doesn't mean they'd feel safe sharing a photograph with their home address written on it. Some people aren't worried about doxxing or stalkers because they don't have enemies. Some would rather be famous than private. There are a lot of different ways to set these kinds of privacy boundaries. Not just places to set the boundaries, but methods. and I think there's a very wide range of reasonable places to set them. Rather than just saying "This is dangerous, don't do it," I think Annie should have pointed at specific concerns. LW may be worrying about stuff her neighbors haven't thought of, or about stuff that is just not a problem for their neighbors.

How big is your neighborhood? Are you worried about the dozens of people you usually see on the little side street, plus the occasional UPS driver? Or do you live next to a major road where ten thousand cars wait in traffic jams?

To what extent does your teen live (or want to live) on the public stage? Are they politically active? Are they running for office, which requires putting your address on the ballot? Or are they going to protests and speaking about something a lot of people hate?

Does your teen spend much time with people who make them uncomfortable because they transgress boundaries? Do these people know them by face and not already know their address? For instance, do they work as a barista or a lifeguard? Are they much troubled by catcalls? That's about individual risk tolerance as much as it's about frequency and aggressiveness of the catcallers. If it only happens to you once a month, but it really upsets you, it's more of a problem than if it happens several times/day and you brush it off.



[1] The usual warnings for young adults do seem to be pretty gendered, though women are not the only ones at risk and men are not the only ones who ever turn out to be stalkers.
[2] I don't mean to imply that only pretty people get catcalled, but it's a common first line for a certain kind of boundary push.

[bibliofile]

> when the real danger is usually from someone the victim knows.

This. So much this.

[sabotabby]

For a lot of our kids, they live in apartment buildings. They get to walk past all these homes with lawn signs and what are they going to do, put it in a window that faces a concrete wall?