Y'know what?

[conuly]

I understand how certain people become Entitlement Parents. I can see it.

The other day, Ana and I were getting on the bus to go meet up with Jenn. This must've been Friday.

And oh, were we ever running late!

You must understand, Ana's got this thing about Metrocards. She loves them. Every time we're on the bus, she finds another old, discarded Metrocard to hoard for her Very Own. It's cute. This time, she picked up the Metrocard before we were even on the bus proper.

And as I was digging out *my* Metrocard, she was playing around, pretending to put her Metrocard in the coin slot. Well, okay, it's not like she's wasting anybody's time, I'm the one doing that. So I let her go on with it, and dig out my card, and swipe it.

Big mistake. Now Ana's realized her error, and she's starting to climb up on the grille around the coin slot, so she can swipe her Metrocard properly. (All this only took a few seconds.)

And while most of me was thinking "OH GOD WE'LL MISS THE BOAT!" and "OH GOD EVERYONE WILL MISS THE BOAT AND THEY HATE ME AND THEY THINK ANA IS A HORRIBLE BRAT!", a teensy tiny shameful part of me was going "Wow! Squee! This is really adorable! I should let her finish the job!!!!!!!"

Fortunately for everyone, the shameful part of me wasn't very loud, so I just took the Metrocard away and hoisted Ana into a seat. But imagine if I didn't have priorities!

We missed the boat anyway. At least I can honestly say it wasn't Ana's fault.

And she really *was* sweet. She tried climbing into my lap when the bus got crowded because "some peoples have to sit". Unfortunately, all my bags and the baby were there, so I put her back into her seat, only to realize that the person Ana had meant was pregnant. Damn. Well, I did offer to rearrange, but PregnantWoman said no, so I just let Ana sit. Felt bad, though, even though the woman continued to stand even after the bus cleared out and she could have sat.

Comments

squee

[maelorin]

Entitlement Parents.

?


You must understand, Ana's got this thing about Metrocards.

:)

even though the woman continued to stand even after the bus cleared out and she could have sat.

perhaps she was more comfortable standing? or didn't relish the idea of having to get up again after sitting down?

Re: squee

[conuly]

perhaps she was more comfortable standing?

That's what I figured. I mean, I wasn't going to harass her over her choice to stand, was I? But I still felt bad. Pregnancy that shows counts as one of those things you offer a seat for. And I can fit both kids on my lap, comfortably. I just didn't want to adjust everything to do so.

Re: squee

[conuly]

And by Entitlement Parents, I mean what less polite people would call Entitlement Whores or Moos. People who think their kids and their dubious needs are more important than everyone and everything else.

Re: squee

[maelorin]

ah. those people. entitlement in that sense. that's a pretty good label. [adds to personal idiom lexicon®]

they are the people that have gotten us into this (social) mess, here in the west.

i can't help but be excruciatingly rude and sarcastic around them ... not that they notice in their little bubbles of 'love'.

Re: squee

[maelorin]

the offer was made, and declined.

feel happy nad proud that ana did the right thing™ and offered :) that alone demonstrates how far from an 'entitlement parent' you really are. their brats would be more likely to make fun of the woman.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Aunt, entitlement aunt. Not that the distinction would be clear to most people who don't know me.

I'm glad that my rule of "It's rude to take a seat when you don't need one and other people are standing" has begun to sink in, though. It's a very hard one to explain, it requires a whole lot of thought.

Re: squee

[maelorin]

an aunt can be a parent too :) once upon a time, extended families ...

manners are social conventions that help us know what to do, and to show respect for each other. leastways, used to be ...

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

really? only pregnancy that shows? how about the tail end of my pregnancy with seth where i just looked like a fat slob, and not at all pregnant? because, you know, because I didn't appear pregnant, i shouldn't get to sit? Or someone in their first trimester who is suffering from very severe nauseua? should they not sit because there are not showing?

Was it just the way you happened to word it, or is what i said what you meant? Only if they show should it count.

Re: squee

[eofs.livejournal.com]

Unless the pregnancy is showing it's hard to know the woman is pregnant to offer her seat.

My friend has a similar problem. She's 22 and walks without assistance, so to the world she looks like a perfectly healthy young woman. Of course what you can't see are the tumours all over her nervous system, the constant pain, the sciatica, the gradual loss of control of her limbs etc etc. She doesn't half get dirty looks some days when she simply doesn't have the energy to stand - particularly when she's recently had an operation.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

I know its hard, but what i was pointing out was the way connie worded it, as if only "showing" women need a seat.

I generally always offered a seat to anyone who looked like tehy needed it, either looking very tired, looking like they are about to be sick, etc.

and your friend sounds almost identical to my Father-in-Law, except he is now in a wheelchair because of it. :(

Re: squee

[(Anonymous)]

Don't forget the darling title..."Entitlemoo!!"

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

This is Lizziey btw, didn't realize i wasn't signed it.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Lizziey, clearly people who *ask* for a seat have different considerations. But I can't offer a seat to somebody unless I can see that they've got a problem! If they're not showing, they need to ask.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Lizziey, I just re-read my comment. You misread. It's not the way I worded it. People who don't look like they need a seat need to ask. That's the only way anybody will know they need a seat. People who *do* look like they need a seat get *offered* a seat. The distinction is clear.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

some people don't like asking things. *raises hand* many times i am very talkitive, but when it comes to asking for something, i clam up for some reason, when I don;t know the person.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

If you say so.

Re: squee

[wakasplat.livejournal.com]

Carrying a cane can do wonders in that situation. I've known many people (including myself, although I rapidly noticed it was actually useful, too) who've carried canes specifically as a signal of "I may need to sit down at short notice, don't even think of bugging me about it."

Re: squee

[conuly]

Well, that sucks for you. You should wear a sign when you feel sick, then, or else cultivate the art of acting really really sick without actually saying anything.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Which is perfectly fair.

Honestly, if anybody asks me for a seat, unless I really *can't* stand (some bus drivers freak at the idea of people standing while carrying a baby, which is understandable) and *can't* stick Ana on my lap (unlikely), then I wouldn't dream of not moving over. People are so unwilling to ask for a seat that I consider the mere act to be a sign that they really need it. Almost as clear as a big stomach or a cane or similar.

Re: squee

[conuly]

That was bitchy. I'm sorry.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

No, not exactly bitchy. More Connie. :-p

squee

[maelorin]

Entitlement Parents.

?


You must understand, Ana's got this thing about Metrocards.

:)

even though the woman continued to stand even after the bus cleared out and she could have sat.

perhaps she was more comfortable standing? or didn't relish the idea of having to get up again after sitting down?

Re: squee

[conuly]

perhaps she was more comfortable standing?

That's what I figured. I mean, I wasn't going to harass her over her choice to stand, was I? But I still felt bad. Pregnancy that shows counts as one of those things you offer a seat for. And I can fit both kids on my lap, comfortably. I just didn't want to adjust everything to do so.

Re: squee

[conuly]

And by Entitlement Parents, I mean what less polite people would call Entitlement Whores or Moos. People who think their kids and their dubious needs are more important than everyone and everything else.

Re: squee

[maelorin]

ah. those people. entitlement in that sense. that's a pretty good label. [adds to personal idiom lexicon®]

they are the people that have gotten us into this (social) mess, here in the west.

i can't help but be excruciatingly rude and sarcastic around them ... not that they notice in their little bubbles of 'love'.

Re: squee

[maelorin]

the offer was made, and declined.

feel happy nad proud that ana did the right thing™ and offered :) that alone demonstrates how far from an 'entitlement parent' you really are. their brats would be more likely to make fun of the woman.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Aunt, entitlement aunt. Not that the distinction would be clear to most people who don't know me.

I'm glad that my rule of "It's rude to take a seat when you don't need one and other people are standing" has begun to sink in, though. It's a very hard one to explain, it requires a whole lot of thought.

Re: squee

[maelorin]

an aunt can be a parent too :) once upon a time, extended families ...

manners are social conventions that help us know what to do, and to show respect for each other. leastways, used to be ...

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

really? only pregnancy that shows? how about the tail end of my pregnancy with seth where i just looked like a fat slob, and not at all pregnant? because, you know, because I didn't appear pregnant, i shouldn't get to sit? Or someone in their first trimester who is suffering from very severe nauseua? should they not sit because there are not showing?

Was it just the way you happened to word it, or is what i said what you meant? Only if they show should it count.

Re: squee

[eofs.livejournal.com]

Unless the pregnancy is showing it's hard to know the woman is pregnant to offer her seat.

My friend has a similar problem. She's 22 and walks without assistance, so to the world she looks like a perfectly healthy young woman. Of course what you can't see are the tumours all over her nervous system, the constant pain, the sciatica, the gradual loss of control of her limbs etc etc. She doesn't half get dirty looks some days when she simply doesn't have the energy to stand - particularly when she's recently had an operation.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

I know its hard, but what i was pointing out was the way connie worded it, as if only "showing" women need a seat.

I generally always offered a seat to anyone who looked like tehy needed it, either looking very tired, looking like they are about to be sick, etc.

and your friend sounds almost identical to my Father-in-Law, except he is now in a wheelchair because of it. :(

Re: squee

[(Anonymous)]

Don't forget the darling title..."Entitlemoo!!"

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

This is Lizziey btw, didn't realize i wasn't signed it.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Lizziey, clearly people who *ask* for a seat have different considerations. But I can't offer a seat to somebody unless I can see that they've got a problem! If they're not showing, they need to ask.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Lizziey, I just re-read my comment. You misread. It's not the way I worded it. People who don't look like they need a seat need to ask. That's the only way anybody will know they need a seat. People who *do* look like they need a seat get *offered* a seat. The distinction is clear.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

some people don't like asking things. *raises hand* many times i am very talkitive, but when it comes to asking for something, i clam up for some reason, when I don;t know the person.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

If you say so.

Re: squee

[wakasplat.livejournal.com]

Carrying a cane can do wonders in that situation. I've known many people (including myself, although I rapidly noticed it was actually useful, too) who've carried canes specifically as a signal of "I may need to sit down at short notice, don't even think of bugging me about it."

Re: squee

[conuly]

Well, that sucks for you. You should wear a sign when you feel sick, then, or else cultivate the art of acting really really sick without actually saying anything.

Re: squee

[conuly]

Which is perfectly fair.

Honestly, if anybody asks me for a seat, unless I really *can't* stand (some bus drivers freak at the idea of people standing while carrying a baby, which is understandable) and *can't* stick Ana on my lap (unlikely), then I wouldn't dream of not moving over. People are so unwilling to ask for a seat that I consider the mere act to be a sign that they really need it. Almost as clear as a big stomach or a cane or similar.

Re: squee

[conuly]

That was bitchy. I'm sorry.

Re: squee

[lizziey.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

No, not exactly bitchy. More Connie. :-p