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NYTimes letters section....
Clicky.
To the Editor:
Re "As Autistic Children Grow, So Does Social Gap" (front page, Feb. 26): As a parent who has raised two teenagers on the autism spectrum, I have experienced the growing social gap. But my biggest problems come from other children who have social skills impairments but do not carry a diagnosis. In my house, we call them "bullies."
I implore all parents to show compassion and understanding if we, whose children have autism spectrum labels, call you to ask your children to show kindness toward our children. We know that our children aren't "perfect" - but neither are yours.
Barbara L. Kornblau
Miami, Feb. 26, 2005
Thank you. *hugs*
•
To the Editor:
As the parent of an autistic middle school student, I commend you for addressing this painful issue. I recently asked my son if the other children were nice to him. His answer? "Sometimes." It broke my heart.
Social skill deficiencies are the hallmark of autism, and yet many school districts still question whether social development should even be considered an educational objective. I applaud any school district that incorporates social skills training for our children into the curriculum, but that is only half the story. What about a program that teaches mainstream children to be more sensitive?
Liane Kupferberg Carter
Scarsdale, N.Y., Feb. 26, 2005
Another thankies for you! *passes kittens*
•
To the Editor:
Your focus on the struggles of integration into public schools underemphasizes the valiance that autistic children, families, therapists and teachers bring to these challenges. And there are successes: some kids overcome social isolation and nurture meaningful friendships.
I disagree that behavioral educators are lowering their expectations. In years of helping children and parents realize higher expectations, I have never lowered the bar. Nor do I consider public school placements necessarily unrealistic.
What I have counseled parents to do is to meter their expectations of an overtaxed system that cannot always address individual needs. Behavioral treatment's high expectations delivered many autistic children to this crossroads, and high expectations will provide solutions to the social challenges they now confront.
Bridget Taylor
Paramus, N.J., Feb. 28, 2005
The writer is a co-founder of the Alpine Learning Group.
I'd comment if I knew what the hell you were talking about. Valiance? Social challenges we now confront? Can you please speak people-English instead of fancy-degree-English?
•
To the Editor:
When a child with autism sits alone in a school lunchroom day after day, that child's intense suffering is an emergency that must be addressed. School administrators and staff members should expect and encourage other children to include and befriend the abandoned child.
In schools in which bullying awareness and prevention activities are a strong focus, children with autism can have a better day. This is a "false hope" at present for parents of autistic children only because there are still so few schools that recognize that the problem can be effectively tackled - and then do so.
Stuart Green
Summit, N.J., Feb. 27, 2005
Unless, of course, the kid is sitting alone because he or she prefers it. Amazing concept, that. Sitting alone can be a sign of "intense suffering", or it can also be a sign that you really want to be left alone.
Still, this is definitely what I'd call the right idea.
The writer is director of the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness and Prevention.
•
To the Editor:
It took almost 10 years, two incorrect diagnoses and years of school-recommended counseling before I learned that my son, Christian, had high-functioning autism. The correct diagnosis saved my son's life.
Today, enrolled in a mainstream middle school, he plays the violin, socializes with a small network of friends and earns A's and B's on his report card - that is, when he remembers to turn in his homework.
While I have a realistic understanding of the condition, I refuse to allow autism to define this young man. He is more than his condition.
Each week brings a new round of challenges and the occasional heartbreak, but we have learned to find joy and meaning in every success, no matter how small or routine.
As Christian says, "Everybody's got something."
Karen G. Foley
Hinsdale, Ill., Feb. 26, 2005
Wait, wait, wait. So, if he hadn't been diagnosed, he would have died? Are we expected to take this at face value? What, exactly, does that mean? His mother would've killed him? He would've killed himself? A demon would have swooped down from the heavens and devoured him whole?
As for "I refuse to allow autism to define this young man", well, you don't mind letting him be defined by nothing more than his gender and age (young man). We're not more than our minds. No, really. And our neurology is our mind.
To the Editor:
Re "As Autistic Children Grow, So Does Social Gap" (front page, Feb. 26): As a parent who has raised two teenagers on the autism spectrum, I have experienced the growing social gap. But my biggest problems come from other children who have social skills impairments but do not carry a diagnosis. In my house, we call them "bullies."
I implore all parents to show compassion and understanding if we, whose children have autism spectrum labels, call you to ask your children to show kindness toward our children. We know that our children aren't "perfect" - but neither are yours.
Barbara L. Kornblau
Miami, Feb. 26, 2005
Thank you. *hugs*
•
To the Editor:
As the parent of an autistic middle school student, I commend you for addressing this painful issue. I recently asked my son if the other children were nice to him. His answer? "Sometimes." It broke my heart.
Social skill deficiencies are the hallmark of autism, and yet many school districts still question whether social development should even be considered an educational objective. I applaud any school district that incorporates social skills training for our children into the curriculum, but that is only half the story. What about a program that teaches mainstream children to be more sensitive?
Liane Kupferberg Carter
Scarsdale, N.Y., Feb. 26, 2005
Another thankies for you! *passes kittens*
•
To the Editor:
Your focus on the struggles of integration into public schools underemphasizes the valiance that autistic children, families, therapists and teachers bring to these challenges. And there are successes: some kids overcome social isolation and nurture meaningful friendships.
I disagree that behavioral educators are lowering their expectations. In years of helping children and parents realize higher expectations, I have never lowered the bar. Nor do I consider public school placements necessarily unrealistic.
What I have counseled parents to do is to meter their expectations of an overtaxed system that cannot always address individual needs. Behavioral treatment's high expectations delivered many autistic children to this crossroads, and high expectations will provide solutions to the social challenges they now confront.
Bridget Taylor
Paramus, N.J., Feb. 28, 2005
The writer is a co-founder of the Alpine Learning Group.
I'd comment if I knew what the hell you were talking about. Valiance? Social challenges we now confront? Can you please speak people-English instead of fancy-degree-English?
•
To the Editor:
When a child with autism sits alone in a school lunchroom day after day, that child's intense suffering is an emergency that must be addressed. School administrators and staff members should expect and encourage other children to include and befriend the abandoned child.
In schools in which bullying awareness and prevention activities are a strong focus, children with autism can have a better day. This is a "false hope" at present for parents of autistic children only because there are still so few schools that recognize that the problem can be effectively tackled - and then do so.
Stuart Green
Summit, N.J., Feb. 27, 2005
Unless, of course, the kid is sitting alone because he or she prefers it. Amazing concept, that. Sitting alone can be a sign of "intense suffering", or it can also be a sign that you really want to be left alone.
Still, this is definitely what I'd call the right idea.
The writer is director of the New Jersey Coalition for Bullying Awareness and Prevention.
•
To the Editor:
It took almost 10 years, two incorrect diagnoses and years of school-recommended counseling before I learned that my son, Christian, had high-functioning autism. The correct diagnosis saved my son's life.
Today, enrolled in a mainstream middle school, he plays the violin, socializes with a small network of friends and earns A's and B's on his report card - that is, when he remembers to turn in his homework.
While I have a realistic understanding of the condition, I refuse to allow autism to define this young man. He is more than his condition.
Each week brings a new round of challenges and the occasional heartbreak, but we have learned to find joy and meaning in every success, no matter how small or routine.
As Christian says, "Everybody's got something."
Karen G. Foley
Hinsdale, Ill., Feb. 26, 2005
Wait, wait, wait. So, if he hadn't been diagnosed, he would have died? Are we expected to take this at face value? What, exactly, does that mean? His mother would've killed him? He would've killed himself? A demon would have swooped down from the heavens and devoured him whole?
As for "I refuse to allow autism to define this young man", well, you don't mind letting him be defined by nothing more than his gender and age (young man). We're not more than our minds. No, really. And our neurology is our mind.
no subject
no subject
She is in a bit of a clique though, nice kids, they keep to themselves. Now one mean, bullying, aggressive girl wants to play with them. They don't want to play with her. But in this little group therapy thing, that the bully is in, she complained. And now my daughter's quiet group of friends is being treated like some sort of snotty, bitchy, rude group of kids, who really are just trying to protect themselves.
Having the teachers try to micromanage what happens during recess is a bad solution, but it is what they are trying to do now. I am soclose to going to talk to this dippy sunshine and flowers therapist type person and tell her to mind her own damn business, she has no right to try to guilt or pressure my daughter into playing with people she has no interest in playing with.
And yes, my daughter has given the bully chances.
And if you think I am defending the class princess or something, my daughter has stood up for kids all the time. She stands up for kids who are picked on, for example. She came to me, daughter to mother, to ask how to handle when the class teases the substitute with the funny voice (the same substitute that told my daughter her religion didnt exist). She works with the homeless. But she won't play with people who abuse her and bully her, and now the school is trying to put an end to that.
I'm sure the bully has a hard life and all that -- and I hope they fix her problems -- but I dont think they have a handle yet on how to deal with this crap in the schools.
no subject
no subject
In eighth grade, I had a teacher who would pick me up and *make* me sit with the people who did everything in their power to hurt me. There were a lot of reasons I hated her, but that was by far the worst. Lunch was the only escape I had from them. Least effective anti-bullying measure ever.
no subject
no subject
She is in a bit of a clique though, nice kids, they keep to themselves. Now one mean, bullying, aggressive girl wants to play with them. They don't want to play with her. But in this little group therapy thing, that the bully is in, she complained. And now my daughter's quiet group of friends is being treated like some sort of snotty, bitchy, rude group of kids, who really are just trying to protect themselves.
Having the teachers try to micromanage what happens during recess is a bad solution, but it is what they are trying to do now. I am soclose to going to talk to this dippy sunshine and flowers therapist type person and tell her to mind her own damn business, she has no right to try to guilt or pressure my daughter into playing with people she has no interest in playing with.
And yes, my daughter has given the bully chances.
And if you think I am defending the class princess or something, my daughter has stood up for kids all the time. She stands up for kids who are picked on, for example. She came to me, daughter to mother, to ask how to handle when the class teases the substitute with the funny voice (the same substitute that told my daughter her religion didnt exist). She works with the homeless. But she won't play with people who abuse her and bully her, and now the school is trying to put an end to that.
I'm sure the bully has a hard life and all that -- and I hope they fix her problems -- but I dont think they have a handle yet on how to deal with this crap in the schools.
no subject
no subject
In eighth grade, I had a teacher who would pick me up and *make* me sit with the people who did everything in their power to hurt me. There were a lot of reasons I hated her, but that was by far the worst. Lunch was the only escape I had from them. Least effective anti-bullying measure ever.