Oh, and regarding that earlier post...

[conuly]

My lack of real-world friends is because I mostly live online. Youse guys know this. It doesn't disturb me much, but somehow the fact that I have more friends now than I did before (but they're all online) disturbs everybody else in the family VERY much. Messed up.

Comments

[fjorab-teke.livejournal.com]

I was making that observation myself, although it doesn't mortify my parents so much. They worry, yes, and they cast that cynical "you met her online?" question if I say I'm meeting up with someone at a mall, etc. But I've found that I don't feel as burdensome to my friends online, they can communicate with me readily even if just through "leaving messages." Best of all, though, I can readily find people I have oodles of fun random things in common and still be able to ignore those I don't want to bother with. I learn from those who have just enough in common to be fun but enough completely off common grounds to be educational (yes, you're a teacher of sorts to me ;-))...and I like that I can literally pick and choose with whom and when I want to connect. And if something goes wrong, it's still not fun but it's easier to sever ties if need be.

[conuly]

yes, you're a teacher of sorts to me

*blushes profoundly*

Seriously, though, online is EASIER mihi. And I like it more, too. Plus people are more open to the idea that they misunderstand you. And that rampant paranoia... like people you meet in real life are more likely to be trustworthy!

[fjorab-teke.livejournal.com]

Yep, the creepiest guys I've yet met have been at college, as well as an older guy who wanders around downtown (I haven't seen him in ages though thank goodness) and one creepo from my high school (in my sister's class a year behind mine) who did seek me out online. Ughh. If someone online shoots up a "red flag" I can discreetly give them no details about me and quietly find ways that they shall no longer see or hopefully even think of me anymore. I'm a little too trusting, sure, but hey...I'm happier having fun friends online I can trust a little than be a bottled front all the time.

[jedirita.livejournal.com]

On-line friends freak some people out - yet we don't think evil things of pen pals, do we? I think of on-line friends as modern-day pen pals. Which is what they are. Some of my best friends are on the internet - and the few I've had the joy of meeting in real life are wonderful.

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

When does one cross from the 'online' to 'real' category?

[conuly]

When one moves to New York.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

Ahem.

To put in a few words of defense for my mom and myself, I would like to point out a bit of context that Connie is not giving here...

It does not disturb me that Connie has online friends. (Seriously, so do I.) What concerns me is when she doesn't know her professors names (at the end of the term) and will not go speak to them about fixing fill-in-the-blank-problem here. When in order to schedule a counseling appointment, she has my mom call (she's 21 and has been seeing this guy every other week for, what, a year now?). It goes without saying that she will never, EVER call and order takeout. Plus, I think the not having "real life" friends keeps her from having to clean her room. Only kinda joking here - Xiggy can back me up on this. What bothers me more is that although Connie is much better at controlling her temper than she was a few years ago, I've been seeing some regression lately. It especially bothers me given how balanced and thoughtful she can be online that those same qualities don't seem to manifest themselves in her physical interactions with people. I mean, getting into a knock-down-drag-out fight with two toddlers feet away from you? Not cool. Especially when it started due to Connie emptying the container of bubble-liquid over Lizzie's head because Lizzie "insulted her again". For those who don't know, Connie can be a bit sensitive sometimes, and none of the rest of else felt that what Lizzie said deserved that level of response. Not that Lizzie was a saint either. Or when COnnie lost her temper with my mom and I came upstairs to break it up and Connie threw a bowl of food on the floor. This is in *my* house, mind, and I had nothing to do with this fight.

To sum up, I get a bit worried only because I feel that having such a full life online encourages Connie to retreat there to the point of not working on how to deal with "real life" people. That is, those of us who actually see her in person, and those whom she will need to interact with on some level to get through school, find a job and ever get healthcare.

[conuly]

Um, gee, thanks?

I rarely, if ever, know *anybody's* names. That's not, I think, because I am antisocial but because I'm just really bad at remembering names.

And our dear mother won't call for anything either. In fact, I call and order takeout more than she does! I just don't like using the phone. People don't understand me over the phone. It gets embarassing.

[deceptica]

Well, I don't know about the other stuff but I can relate 100% to not knowing my professors' names. I read them when I first sign up for a course online but that's pretty much it. In class they don't really tend to come up, except maybe when said professor mentions their email. And since I'm not exactly very talkative when it comes to my fellow students, I hardly ever say stuff like, "What did you think of so-and-so's lesson today?" Usually not remembering their names isn't even a problem, it only was that one time when a professor had ordered books for us in bulk at a store, and the shop assistant asked me what the professor's name was so she could look up the order - and I had no clue. :-P

I also have troubles remembering the names of my boyfriend's extended family. We've been together for two and a half years, but I only get to see him every couple of months because of the distance, and I have to re-learn all his cousins' names every time.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't remember anyone's names excpet for family and teachers and that's because their names are everywhere in the classroom.

I can't remember my friends' names, my classmates names', you name it, I forget it.

Shoot, I occasionally forget that you're Ulyyf!

A also have the uncanny ability to be mis-understood on the phone. It takes me apx.20 minutes longer for me to order the pizza than it does someone else. Pah on phones! long live the internet!

[emmyceru.livejournal.com]

heh, my parents are very disturbed by me being on the internet a lot and have more net friends than real friends too. But I don't know... One of my very good friends I met online first at neopets actually... She went to my school and saw my username in the sign in box and decided to neomail me. By coincidence we were in the same statistics class and we ended up becoming really good friends.

but oh well. i've met a lot of people online and then in life afterwards, and even dated a guy i met online (though THAT was a mistake). Whoever said that chatting with people on the net is like pen pals is right, imho. Its a lot like that, cept you can chat in realtime instead of waiting weeks for snail mail.

[eofs.livejournal.com]

heh, my parents are very disturbed by me being on the internet a lot and have more net friends than real friends too.

I think my parents were bothered by it until they actually saw me interacting in person with them. Then they saw that the friendships are genuine and close and how much more easily I interact them than the people I went to school with. And they saw how much happier I was. After that, they stopped bothering at all and they get on very well with my net friends.

This does add further weight to my theory of the two types of friends - situational friends where the bond is that you're in the same place at the same time, or 'proper' friends, where you bond because you have deeper things in common. Online you can seek out these 'proper' friends from a pool of thousands of people, whilst in person you're likely to end up mostly with situational friends.

[fjorab-teke.livejournal.com]

I was making that observation myself, although it doesn't mortify my parents so much. They worry, yes, and they cast that cynical "you met her online?" question if I say I'm meeting up with someone at a mall, etc. But I've found that I don't feel as burdensome to my friends online, they can communicate with me readily even if just through "leaving messages." Best of all, though, I can readily find people I have oodles of fun random things in common and still be able to ignore those I don't want to bother with. I learn from those who have just enough in common to be fun but enough completely off common grounds to be educational (yes, you're a teacher of sorts to me ;-))...and I like that I can literally pick and choose with whom and when I want to connect. And if something goes wrong, it's still not fun but it's easier to sever ties if need be.

[conuly]

yes, you're a teacher of sorts to me

*blushes profoundly*

Seriously, though, online is EASIER mihi. And I like it more, too. Plus people are more open to the idea that they misunderstand you. And that rampant paranoia... like people you meet in real life are more likely to be trustworthy!

[fjorab-teke.livejournal.com]

Yep, the creepiest guys I've yet met have been at college, as well as an older guy who wanders around downtown (I haven't seen him in ages though thank goodness) and one creepo from my high school (in my sister's class a year behind mine) who did seek me out online. Ughh. If someone online shoots up a "red flag" I can discreetly give them no details about me and quietly find ways that they shall no longer see or hopefully even think of me anymore. I'm a little too trusting, sure, but hey...I'm happier having fun friends online I can trust a little than be a bottled front all the time.

[jedirita.livejournal.com]

On-line friends freak some people out - yet we don't think evil things of pen pals, do we? I think of on-line friends as modern-day pen pals. Which is what they are. Some of my best friends are on the internet - and the few I've had the joy of meeting in real life are wonderful.

[xiggaroo.livejournal.com]

When does one cross from the 'online' to 'real' category?

[conuly]

When one moves to New York.

[gingembre.livejournal.com]

Ahem.

To put in a few words of defense for my mom and myself, I would like to point out a bit of context that Connie is not giving here...

It does not disturb me that Connie has online friends. (Seriously, so do I.) What concerns me is when she doesn't know her professors names (at the end of the term) and will not go speak to them about fixing fill-in-the-blank-problem here. When in order to schedule a counseling appointment, she has my mom call (she's 21 and has been seeing this guy every other week for, what, a year now?). It goes without saying that she will never, EVER call and order takeout. Plus, I think the not having "real life" friends keeps her from having to clean her room. Only kinda joking here - Xiggy can back me up on this. What bothers me more is that although Connie is much better at controlling her temper than she was a few years ago, I've been seeing some regression lately. It especially bothers me given how balanced and thoughtful she can be online that those same qualities don't seem to manifest themselves in her physical interactions with people. I mean, getting into a knock-down-drag-out fight with two toddlers feet away from you? Not cool. Especially when it started due to Connie emptying the container of bubble-liquid over Lizzie's head because Lizzie "insulted her again". For those who don't know, Connie can be a bit sensitive sometimes, and none of the rest of else felt that what Lizzie said deserved that level of response. Not that Lizzie was a saint either. Or when COnnie lost her temper with my mom and I came upstairs to break it up and Connie threw a bowl of food on the floor. This is in *my* house, mind, and I had nothing to do with this fight.

To sum up, I get a bit worried only because I feel that having such a full life online encourages Connie to retreat there to the point of not working on how to deal with "real life" people. That is, those of us who actually see her in person, and those whom she will need to interact with on some level to get through school, find a job and ever get healthcare.

[conuly]

Um, gee, thanks?

I rarely, if ever, know *anybody's* names. That's not, I think, because I am antisocial but because I'm just really bad at remembering names.

And our dear mother won't call for anything either. In fact, I call and order takeout more than she does! I just don't like using the phone. People don't understand me over the phone. It gets embarassing.

[deceptica]

Well, I don't know about the other stuff but I can relate 100% to not knowing my professors' names. I read them when I first sign up for a course online but that's pretty much it. In class they don't really tend to come up, except maybe when said professor mentions their email. And since I'm not exactly very talkative when it comes to my fellow students, I hardly ever say stuff like, "What did you think of so-and-so's lesson today?" Usually not remembering their names isn't even a problem, it only was that one time when a professor had ordered books for us in bulk at a store, and the shop assistant asked me what the professor's name was so she could look up the order - and I had no clue. :-P

I also have troubles remembering the names of my boyfriend's extended family. We've been together for two and a half years, but I only get to see him every couple of months because of the distance, and I have to re-learn all his cousins' names every time.

[lakidaa.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't remember anyone's names excpet for family and teachers and that's because their names are everywhere in the classroom.

I can't remember my friends' names, my classmates names', you name it, I forget it.

Shoot, I occasionally forget that you're Ulyyf!

A also have the uncanny ability to be mis-understood on the phone. It takes me apx.20 minutes longer for me to order the pizza than it does someone else. Pah on phones! long live the internet!

[emmyceru.livejournal.com]

heh, my parents are very disturbed by me being on the internet a lot and have more net friends than real friends too. But I don't know... One of my very good friends I met online first at neopets actually... She went to my school and saw my username in the sign in box and decided to neomail me. By coincidence we were in the same statistics class and we ended up becoming really good friends.

but oh well. i've met a lot of people online and then in life afterwards, and even dated a guy i met online (though THAT was a mistake). Whoever said that chatting with people on the net is like pen pals is right, imho. Its a lot like that, cept you can chat in realtime instead of waiting weeks for snail mail.

[eofs.livejournal.com]

heh, my parents are very disturbed by me being on the internet a lot and have more net friends than real friends too.

I think my parents were bothered by it until they actually saw me interacting in person with them. Then they saw that the friendships are genuine and close and how much more easily I interact them than the people I went to school with. And they saw how much happier I was. After that, they stopped bothering at all and they get on very well with my net friends.

This does add further weight to my theory of the two types of friends - situational friends where the bond is that you're in the same place at the same time, or 'proper' friends, where you bond because you have deeper things in common. Online you can seek out these 'proper' friends from a pool of thousands of people, whilst in person you're likely to end up mostly with situational friends.