I got an interesting comment from ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sayga
About my formula of "I used to do this, but I found out such-and-fuch is better, so now I do that".
That was a fairly tangential comment, and it reminded me (tangentially) about another formula.
Okay, don't tell anybody, but sometimes I have watched Supernanny in the past. I don't like to admit it, and I will deny it if asked. I do not endorse the show or her advice. Sometimes I just like to sit in judgmental stupor and congratulate myself on not being as bad with kids as other people, is all. That's the truth.
And one thing I've noticed is the woman always uses a particular formula when she tells the parents all the dozens of things they're doing wrong with their kids. First she sits them down and says "I really like how you did this - see how they responded, I can tell you're getting better" and then she goes "But later on you did that, and that wasn't great".
It's a good formula. It works with a lot of people. It makes them feel like they can do better even if they aren't doing well now.
Which is why it doesn't work with me.
See, it's such a good formula that it's a very popular formula. With teachers. With guidance counselors. Occasionally, with parents. And after years of dealing with that every time an authority figure was able to catch hold of me, I cringe a little every time I hear it. "You're very smart Connie, and that was a good essay, but...."
I can't take it.
Fortunately, as an adult currently not attending school (and planning on attending all my classes and doing all my work when I start again), I don't have to hear this very often.
It never made me work harder.
It never made me want to come to school.
It kinda made me a little self-conscious.
So while it works (it must! people keep on using it like it does) on other people, please don't try it on me. You won't get the result you want.
That was a fairly tangential comment, and it reminded me (tangentially) about another formula.
Okay, don't tell anybody, but sometimes I have watched Supernanny in the past. I don't like to admit it, and I will deny it if asked. I do not endorse the show or her advice. Sometimes I just like to sit in judgmental stupor and congratulate myself on not being as bad with kids as other people, is all. That's the truth.
And one thing I've noticed is the woman always uses a particular formula when she tells the parents all the dozens of things they're doing wrong with their kids. First she sits them down and says "I really like how you did this - see how they responded, I can tell you're getting better" and then she goes "But later on you did that, and that wasn't great".
It's a good formula. It works with a lot of people. It makes them feel like they can do better even if they aren't doing well now.
Which is why it doesn't work with me.
See, it's such a good formula that it's a very popular formula. With teachers. With guidance counselors. Occasionally, with parents. And after years of dealing with that every time an authority figure was able to catch hold of me, I cringe a little every time I hear it. "You're very smart Connie, and that was a good essay, but...."
I can't take it.
Fortunately, as an adult currently not attending school (and planning on attending all my classes and doing all my work when I start again), I don't have to hear this very often.
It never made me work harder.
It never made me want to come to school.
It kinda made me a little self-conscious.
So while it works (it must! people keep on using it like it does) on other people, please don't try it on me. You won't get the result you want.
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Does the following grate as much? "Thank you for doing this. Could you do that next time please?"
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The one I'm talking about runs "Thank you for doing this, that was great because of xyz. But I noticed you also did that, which wasn't great because of abc. You need to work on that."
That's not exactly it either, but it's closer.
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Does the following grate as much? "Thank you for doing this. Could you do that next time please?"
no subject
The one I'm talking about runs "Thank you for doing this, that was great because of xyz. But I noticed you also did that, which wasn't great because of abc. You need to work on that."
That's not exactly it either, but it's closer.
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