I am never going to learn to reliably put my glasses somewhere they won't break and I won't lose them.

I don't know if this would help, but I'm always getting a glasses case, and doing my best to keep them in the same place each time. A nightstand, a spot on the laptop, etc.

Would that help? The "same spot" doesn't have to be right next to the bed, as long as it's someplace stable.