I would not presume that his wife is not making changes of her own - or certainly, not trying to change *everything* about him. Firstly, this article was not written from her perspective, and does not address the marriage as a whole - it addresses HIS personality and issues that it has created within his relationship and how he has chosen to cope with some of them. Who knows how many other things are not mentioned within this context? Secondly, one of the things I noticed re: his wife's behavior is this line "First she allowed me to complete my 8:30 p.m. routine, fully aware of how essential it is to my peace of mind". So I think he does feel that she respects his quirks while working with him to make some of them more manageable for their relationship and family life.

I certainly see similarities there to, say, how we as a family have been with you - we don't ask you to "change who you are" but we DO ask sometimes for you to try and make life easier for all of us...while simultaneously we try to recognize certain things which wouldn't make sense *to us* and respect them as quirks of yours just as we ask you to do with us. Or for the matter, the way you now will leave the room if Nanen starts ranting on about me to you...

It seems to me that she is communicating her needs and desires to him, but I don't see any mention that he has shut off *all* of his own needs and desires. Any relationship involves give and take on both sides...